Back when I was young and physically fit, I'd often leave captions on social media for photos of attractive women. Not even captions, just one caption, simple yet utterly provocative. «I'd fuck you!» I'd write. The women's reactions were amusing. Half of them called me all sorts of nasty names, the other half ignored me like I was a freak of nature.

And only one wrote: «Come and fuck me.» And she left her phone number.

So, I'm sitting here with this phone, thinking. I'll go see her. What if instead of a girl, it's her friend with a couple of his friends? Or it's not her in the photo? Or it is her in the photo, but earlier, and now she weighs a hundred kilos and has three chins? Well, even if it is her in the photo and no friends with bats are waiting for me there. So, how can you «fuck» a woman you don't know? What if you have different opinions on it? Or does she have blue nail polish? It's not that easy to want a woman. Something else is needed from me besides her desire. So, I didn't go. And I didn't even call. And I thought a lot. Since then, I don't write on social media «I would fuck.» Because what if they agree. And I'm not ready.

1. While playing Scrabble with my boyfriend, I traded a blowjob for the letter «N» and ended up scoring «equinox» on a Triple Word Score. Maybe not my proudest sexual moment, but definitely my best Scrabble result!

2. My husband has incredible stamina. Last year, on our tenth anniversary, I finally managed to bring him to orgasm using nothing but my hand and my mouth. I was so damn proud—and he was so damn proud—that his gratitude nearly sent me into a seizure.

3. I met my girlfriend's best friend for the first time, and her very first words were: «So *you're* the guy with the magic penis.»

4. I slept with the smartest woman I’ve ever met. She gave me some pills to boost my potency, and she had 10 (TEN) orgasms. I had two. We stopped because my back couldn't take it anymore, and it was 4:30 in the morning. We went on one more date, and then she dumped me. I was living with my parents and was far from having my life together, so no hard feelings.

Marissa, if you’re reading this: good luck to you, and thanks for the wonderful time I spent with you.

5. My girlfriend, her best friend, and I went on a camping trip. On the way there, my girlfriend’s car broke down, so we stayed at a hotel that only had one bed. My girlfriend dropped something under the bed and bent down to retrieve it. I was admiring her butt when I caught the eye of her best friend, who gave me a wink. We exchanged nods, and the rest is—quite literally—sweaty history.

6. I used to work at a large shopping mall that employed several hundred people. I had a fling with a coworker who went around telling everyone that I had a huge dick. Personally, I don't think so. Anyway, because of that, I ended up sleeping with about a dozen women there. Later, I transferred to a different store where—for some reason—everyone quickly found out about it there, too, and I did the exact same thing.

7. Three sisters in a single night—that will forever remain my proudest moment.

8. My girlfriend at the time wanted me to go down on her friend, because her friend's boyfriend wasn't satisfying her in bed—and I was simply magnificent at it. She literally wanted to rent me out to her girlfriends.

I was seeing this one girl. She moved to another city to study, and about a month later, I went to visit her for the weekend.

Incidentally, she was living in a one-room apartment with two roommates. So, late that night—once we’d made sure the girls were asleep—we decided it was time to get a little frisky. But I felt kind of uneasy—awkward with them right there—so I suggested to my darling, «Hey, maybe we should go to the bathroom so we don't disturb their sleep?» To which she replied:

«Oh, it's no big deal; they're used to it by now...»

«Uh… WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN, 'USED TO IT'?»

Oh, that awkward moment. You should have seen the sheer horror on her face at what she had just blurted out… What followed was a sleepless night filled with her sobbing and tears; the next morning, I packed my things and left...

I really like this modern forum bullshit approach… People building platforms asking $300 for the shit, that is literally available for free.

Say, it is free. Define fucking free? Free to download? Free to use? What's free now days. Oh look at our cool demo, user ultimately like «Holly shit that looks great! Wowzers» Not. Let me explain.

Free to download.

In some cases it's free to download, BUT limited to how many users you can have or amount of conversations. Yes its free, but locked in. Want to unlock it? Pay = Bait!.

Another case of free. You downloaded it, no limits. Fine… Your sorry ass was looking at nice looking demo, guess what man, that was Premium theme you were looking at, that's $30. Fine! What's one time payment right? Wrong. That was a visual lie to get you in.

Why does your demo (or support forum) have Achievements and my forum do not? — Oh, that is our Achievements plugin — $15. That was an ability forum do not have — Another visual lie.

Well, and Personal profiles, rating, and so on too? Yes, any plugin is extra $10 each. Boom!

Bla bla bla, you sitting there like an asshole who spent $80 on «Free» forum. Congrats. Pay attention to updates, as they also «Premium».

It’s completely absurd to charge for core functionality that has been standard for over 25 years. If you look at the evolution of forums:

• Then:You installed phpBB, vBulletin, or IPB, and you got a full Admin Control Panel, user profiles, ratings, post editing, and avatars out of the box. It was a complete suite.
• Now:They sell you the «core» (which is essentially just a database-to-HTML bridge) and then gatekeep the things that actually make it acommunity. Charging for «user profiles» or «moderation tools» is like buying a car and being told the steering wheel and brakes are «optional premium features.»

Now you are in indefinite loophole of «Paid Subscription». 

In my youth and stupidity, I was constantly playing this game of tag — I'm hard to find, easy to lose, and you absolutely have to get me back, well, you get the idea. 

Once and for all, a wonderful man put my head in place, who from my very first performance simply said goodbye to me.

Thanks to him for calmly explaining to me what a healthy relationship is before this.

It was as if I saw the game I was playing from the outside. And that this was my mother's way of behaving, which I had simply accepted as the norm since childhood.