— And who is Sasha Grey?
— Sir Alexander Grey (January 6, 1882 – February 17, 1968) was a Scottish economist, poet, and translator.
— So why is everyone jerking off to him?
— We are an intellectual society here, you know.
A modernized distribution of Invision Power Board 1.3, fully patched for PHP 8.x and MariaDB compatibility. This project preserves the classic, lightweight «pre-bloat» UI of the early 2000s while ensuring it runs securely and efficiently on modern server stacks.
Key Features
- PHP 8.x Ready: Comprehensive patches for legacy code to eliminate deprecated function errors and syntax issues.
- MySQLi Implementation: Replaced the legacy mysql driver with mysqli for modern database connectivity.
- MariaDB Support: Optimized for MariaDB and MySQL 8+ environments using utf8mb4 encoding by default.
- Slim Installer: A streamlined sm_install.php that handles environment checks, mysqli configuration, and admin setup.
- Performance Focused: Maintained the original lightweight footprint with native CSS and minimal JavaScript dependencies.
Modern Enhancements
- IBF Portal 4.0: Fully integrated portal system to transform your forum into a community hub.
- TinyMCE Integration: Replaced the legacy posting interface with a modernized TinyMCE editor for a better rich-text experience.
- HTML Purifier: Integrated a modernized standalone security engine to protect against XSS and fix broken HTML tags.
- Security Patches: Fixed legacy issues with search result insertions and anti-spam image generation.
Installation
- Database: Create a new database and import the provided SQL dump via phpMyAdmin or Adminer.
- Upload: Upload the repository files to your web directory.
- Configure: Run sm_install.php in your browser.
- Security: Once the conf_global.php is generated, delete sm_install.php from your server immediately.
UI/UX Philosophy
This project stays true to the «classic» aesthetic. We prioritize the original Invision Power Board 1.3 layout over «modern» social-media-style interfaces, ensuring the board remains fast, familiar, and highly customizable.
{brands%github} GitHub: https://github.com/madromas/IPB-1.3-PHP8-Modernized
Developed & Maintained for the Modern Web.
I’m a lawyer, and right now I’m handling the strangest—and funniest—case of my career. The plaintiff and the defendant work in the same office complex. It turns out the plaintiff occasionally takes photos of women while they’re using the toilet from the adjacent stall—even though the restroom is clearly divided into separate Men's and Women's sections. Well, one day the defendant was taking a leak, and the plaintiff tried to snap a picture. She spotted his hand holding the phone peeking out from underneath the stall divider… and she peed all over it. Afterward, the plaintiff got thoroughly thrashed right there in the ladies' room and had his head dunked in the toilet bowl. The guys at the office have since dubbed him «Golden Hand»; they refuse to shake his hand and just howl with laughter whenever they see him. His reputation has officially hit rock bottom. I’m currently trying to defend him on charges of property damage—I’m not even bothering to argue for emotional distress. This is, without a doubt, the most delightful case I’ve ever handled.
My dad is a well-deserved retiree now; he spent his entire working life at the same industrial plant. They had a tragic incident there once. A woman returned from vacation with only a month and a half left to work before she could retire. She had spent twenty years working at that very workstation. On that particular day, she was reprimanded several times for failing to wear a headscarf, as required by workplace safety regulations. She just laughed it off, cracked jokes, and arrogantly boasted about her vast experience—claiming she could do her job even with her eyes closed. Then, just like in the darkest of jokes, Murphy’s Law kicked in. By the end of her shift, her hair got caught in a rotating spool; her head was yanked in right after it, and the machinery didn't stop until her head was completely torn off. So much for experience; so much for seniority. If only she had been wearing that headscarf, none of this would have happened.
I was walking down the street in a short, light dress—and no bra underneath. It started pouring rain, and I got absolutely soaked through. My dress became completely see-through; you could see my breasts and nipples clearly. As I walked, the hem kept riding up past my panties—and even higher… I caught so many guys staring! Such lust in their eyes… And for some reason, it turned me on big time.
I had this fucked-up acquaintance, and one time at a house party, he was acting like a total jackass and pulling some crazy stunts. Long story short, he licked a power outlet—and got electrocuted!
He was screaming his head off, blood was somehow pouring out of his shorts, and we were absolutely fucking stunned… We called an ambulance… It turned out that the massive electric shock had made his testicles burst...
Holy fucking shit!
I’m a theater student. I can’t watch porn—it’s all so staged and unnatural, especially when the actresses look right into the camera. Guys are fucking them in every hole, yet they’re batting their eyelashes at the lens and moaning for show. I don’t buy it, goddammit! I DON’T BUY IT! Come on, just fuck each other for real—full Stanislavski method—otherwise there’s nothing for me to jerk off to! :(
I met a sweet, petite woman. A real Thumbelina with an angelic voice. We dated for about a month, and everything seemed wonderful—at least to me. One day, she suggested we spice up our sex life; naturally, I agreed—I love to experiment. The idea was to incorporate various sex toys. But imagine my surprise when she pulled a massive dildo out of her dresser—as thick as a salami and about 30 centimeters long. That monster slid into her tiny body with absolute ease. And that’s when my insecurities came crashing down on me...
My boyfriend and I live with his parents. In the summer, they stay at their country house; in the winter, they live with us. We did a deep clean of the apartment just before they were due to arrive the next day. We scrubbed everything spotless—she even watered all her little plants and whatnot. She walked through the apartment, scrutinizing every corner, and finally declared: «Holy shit, you guys actually cleaned up! There’s absolutely nothing for me to nitpick.» Then she just walked away in silence.
Today, a female friend of mine offered me a tidy sum of money in exchange for permission to sleep with my boyfriend...
Today, I got zapped by static electricity from my boyfriend’s penis. I was about to give him a blowjob, and the moment my upper lip—and part of my teeth—brushed against the head of his cock, a jolt of electricity shot right through them. My teeth actually went numb for about ten seconds. I have no idea how that’s physically possible, but it certainly wasn't a pleasant sensation. My very first thought afterward was: «Well, talk about sparks flying between us!» The penis itself remained unharmed (it didn't get zapped).
Back in my distant childhood, every spring we’d make a point of collecting birch sap. However, the older kids would always beat us to it, swiping all the fruits of our labor and leaving us with nothing but empty containers. That is, until one of us—the bravest of the bunch—decided to take a leak right into one of their bottles...
Other Trash Stories
A story has gone viral on that 𝕏 platform about a guy who really wanted to sleep with an acquaintance's wife. To make it happen, he decided to trick them into a swinger scenario—a wife swap. His own wife, however, was completely in the dark; she certainly wouldn't have supported his scheme, and besides, he had no desire to actually «serve up» his own wife to another man. So, he hired a stunning escort who played the part to perfection. And while the other guy was enthusiastically occupied with the hired woman, our hero got exactly what he wanted: his wife.
1. Every wrong step I take puts my life in jeopardy.
People think that I don't put in any effort or try to earn money. But this is not an easy job. There is no way to sue or report misconduct.
2. Not all sex work involves actual sexual intercourse.
Strippers, content creators, and professional dominatrixes are all considered sex workers, yet we never engage in sex with our clients. So, please keep this in mind—do not make assumptions or propose inappropriate services. It is extremely disrespectful.
3. When I was 19, I worked as a stripper for a few months. I’m 30 now, and I haven't done it since, but I am so glad I did. First of all, it was the most supportive and positive atmosphere of any job I’ve ever held. The DJs, security staff, management, dancers, and waitstaff all supported one another and were always on our side. I’m sure it’s not like this in every club, but that is exactly how it was in mine.
Secondly—and most importantly—I went into it thinking I had hit rock bottom, but it turned out to be one of the most empowering experiences of my life. Before that, I felt embarrassment and shame regarding any of my sexual impulses. My time dancing taught me to embrace my sexuality and sensuality. And I believe that is a crucial part of self-acceptance as a whole.
Today, I live a life I love, and I doubt that would have happened if I hadn't taken that step. Being a stripper isn't always something sordid. In the years since, whenever I’ve told people about it, I’ve often been asked: «Oh, you were a stripper...? I'm so sorry.» 4. People assume that we are constantly obsessed with sex and sexually aroused—even when we are on a genuine date.
We are human beings, after all, and we aren’t always «in the mood,» regardless of what we do for a living. Sometimes I just want to eat some ice cream and watch *Grey’s Anatomy*, so please don’t assume that I want to have sex non-stop simply because I’m a sex worker.
5. Sex work isn’t just something undertaken by people who have survived violence or abuse. I was in a loving relationship (though it took my partner some time to come to terms with my profession), and I never hid my work from my friends.
In a single year, I earned more than I had in five years at a conventional job. I didn’t use drugs, I never engaged in unprotected sex, and, by and large, I was treated well. I faced physical danger a couple of times, but that was because one of my colleagues—with whom I was working in tandem—had lied about the services she was providing. I was always upfront: «This is what you’re paying for my time, and I’m not going to deceive you.» I found that this approach always worked well.
Currently, I hold a management position at one of the country’s largest healthcare organizations. I am married, and I have a wonderful life. I wish people would understand that sex workers don’t need to be pitied. While many women may enter the industry against their will, those of us who choose to do so make that choice consciously. Could I have found work in a different field? Yes. But I had a fantastic time. I loved the women I worked with, and I encountered some truly incredible experiences. I met celebrities who were in town for concerts, NHL players, and TV personalities. It’s easier to hire a girl who is guaranteed to leave—and won’t want you to call her—than to try to pick someone up at a bar. That was fun!
I can say one thing: I’ve seen more «happily» married men than representatives of any other demographic group.
6. I feel people mistakenly assume that individuals enter the sex industry simply because they lack money.
This isn't true; in a sense, it’s rude and completely unfounded.
7. One thing men are *always* wrong about is thinking that I’ll give them a discount or a freebie just because they’re «handsome,» have a «big dick,» or aren't «some ugly old guy with a small dick.»
For one thing, many of my clients are young and attractive. Oh—and having a big dick ABSOLUTELY does not mean you’re good in bed. The stigma perpetuated by the porn industry—that big dicks are inherently great—is terrible.
Furthermore, people ask me if I chose this line of work because I need sex. No. Absolutely not. If I wanted sex, I could easily get it without being a sex worker. I have bills to pay, after all!
8. I always tell people: «Every job has its pros and cons. This job, however, has nothing but cons—cons that will affect you for the rest of your life.» Choose wisely.
9. Last night, a client said to me: «Being a stripper is easy.» It isn't. It is incredibly difficult and grueling—both physically and emotionally.
I started stripping after losing my previous job due to the pandemic, and at first, things were okay. But the stress of financial insecurity really takes a heavy toll on your mental health. It breeds deep self-doubt. Sometimes truly awful people come into the clubs just to cause a scene and spout nasty insults—sometimes right to your face. It’s especially bad when they’re drunk. Nowadays, the worst thing that can happen with clients is the mindset that they don't need to leave a tip because «you make plenty of money as a stripper anyway.» After dancing all night—whether in the VIP area or on stage—your entire body aches, especially your joints, knees, back, and hips. Everything you see on YouTube is pure fantasy. Don't let them fool you.
10. There is a misconception that we don't deserve basic human respect, and that anyone can do whatever they please with us. We are NOT commodities, and the fact that you are paying does not mean we have no boundaries.
11. Between the ages of 20 and 21, I worked as an escort. For the first time in my life, I was living on my own—and as we all know, life is expensive! I called a number listed in a newspaper ad, and within just a week, I was earning $100 an hour—which was far better than the $6.85 an hour I was making at my retail job.
My friends knew what I was doing, and I would call one of my girlfriends at the end of every night to let her know I had made it home safely from work. I felt secure because I was working for a man who would drive me to and pick me up from every appointment. Yes, I had to give him a cut of the earnings, but it was well worth it for the sake of my safety.
The biggest misconception was that I felt compelled to do this work, or that I had no other choice. In reality, everything was my choice—from the hours I made myself available to the type of interactions I agreed to. All in all, it really boosted my confidence, and I learned a great deal about myself and my sexuality.
I stopped doing it because I had saved up enough money to buy a house and move to a small town. Shortly thereafter, I met my current husband. Early in our relationship, I told him that I had worked in the sex industry; and while it took him some time to process it, he accepted it, and now we simply don't talk about it anymore.
12. I don't understand why people assume that sex workers either hate their jobs because they’re forced into them, or absolutely adore them. I’m not particularly fond of filming explicit scenes or having sex with strangers, but I don’t think it’s any worse than working at a supermarket. Plus, it pays significantly more money for far fewer hours. So, for me, the choice is obvious.
13. It really frustrates me to see the assumptions people make about my clients. Of course, there are plenty of unpleasant and repulsive people among them. But on the whole—based on my experience working in phone sex and webcamming—my regular clients are just nice, normal people. I respect them and allow them to take up my time because they respect my boundaries and my rates.
People used to constantly ask me if my phone clients were lonely, or perverts, and so on. But they are simply people who know what they like sexually. For some, it’s a component of their sexual relationship with a partner. For others, it’s a specific sexual interest that is simply easier to pay for. All kinds of people pay for sex, pleasure, and companionship. And I’m one of them! I love watching other webcam models and tipping them!
14. Most clients are boring and stupid, and you find yourself constantly checking the clock.
I really wish people would understand that working in the full-service sex industry is enjoyable not because sex is our hobby. It is our job.
15. I’ve been working as a stripper for four years now, and many of my clients and friends simply assume that I’m giving blowjobs left and right. Everyone thinks that all dancers and sex workers do nothing but that, but it’s not true. We all have our own boundaries and rules. There are clients who say, «It’s fine—I always do this at this club» (referring to paying for sex or a blowjob), and I always have to reply, «Well, honey, you’re certainly not going to do that with *me*!» It amazes me how many people misunderstand this line of work. Some sex workers do certain things, while others don't. We are all different because we are all individuals. You can't just generalize and rely on stereotypes.
I also hate it when I’m dancing with a guy and he says, «I can tell you’re turned on,» or «Are you about to cum?» Like, seriously? Sometimes, sure, I might get turned on. But 99% of the time, I’m just doing my job and counting the songs in my head. And I’m probably not going to cum just from rubbing against you, sweetie.
Finally, I really dislike the common assumption that sex workers have no other options—that we’re uneducated or «troubled.» I graduated from college with a bachelor’s degree, and I work as a stripper not because I lack ambition or brains. I work as a stripper because I don’t want to spend my prime years sitting in rush-hour traffic twice a day, staring at a screen for hours on end, or having someone constantly tell me what to do and how to do it. I don’t want to work 40 hours a week only to be paid a pittance for my labor.
So many people dance to gain freedom and independence, and to make a ton of money doing something genuinely interesting and inspiring—all while having the time to truly *live*! Sex work isn’t for everyone, but for me, it’s a true passion. It has given me self-confidence and freedom. Anyone who scoffs at the idea of working in the sex industry simply doesn’t have the right mindset for such a unique and beautiful profession.
Hooray! Everything is read.
No more pages to load
