It's easy to touch a woman. I saw a picture online of a woman who was moved to tears by a man who made her a pie. Guys, it only takes 10 minutes, but a woman feels so happy. Take notes.
Hundreds of «quotes» by the Hollywood actor, that he never actually said, regularly appear under each of his social media posts. We’ve translated the funniest for you!
We continue to follow new posts by popular actor Jason Statham on Instagram. As soon as he posts a new photo, Russian commentators immediately rush in and «remember» some «quote» they attribute to Statham.
He has no Russian roots, but there are several social media groups dedicated to him in Russia, where he has become a real living meme. Russian fans respect him for his hard man image and striking roles in movies. Let's see what new “quotes” Russians have come up with for him!
“At school, I managed to skip breaks.”
“A weak man looks for excuses, while a real man has prepared them in advance.”
“One head is good, but two heads are good-good.”
“Three words are two words.”
“No matter how many quotes you read — they're all mine.”
“You're not you and when you're not you, you're not you.”
“Saw the sunset? I set it down.”
“Once I went to the gym, the gym machines got stronger.”
“Do the right thing. Don't do the wrong thing.”
“If you're tired of sitting without money, stand up.”
There are also some interesting suggestions from Russians, as well:
“Shall we write a petition for the title of People's Artist of Russia? Or People's Artist of Culture?”
“I would like to remind you that Jason Statham is a great Russian poet, writer and author of VK blogs. It was he who taught our boys to never give up, who left a whole legacy of quotes for all occasions. We remember, we will not forget his contribution to culture.”
Meanwhile, instead of commenting on the actor's photo, some have already just started welcoming Russians!
“Morning Russians. Hope you are all fine”, “Good morning russian friends”, “came to see if the russian comments were still there”
By the way, Russian Instagram users have now also discovered his wife Rosie's social media accounts.
«Rosie, we're with you because Jason is our friend.»
Check out Jason's Instagram page
In China, a family created a digital copy of a man killed in a car accident so they wouldn't have to tell his 80-year-old mother.
The AI clone was created using photos, videos, and voice recordings. Now he communicates with his mother via video call and says he simply left for work in another city.
His mother still doesn't know about his death. 
A friend of mine lost her husband; he fell ill and passed away before they had a chance to have children. Two years later, she got pregnant—but the baby's father vanished. He simply disappeared; to this day, no one knows where he is or what became of him. She gave birth to a boy, and he turned out to be a carbon copy of her late husband—an exact duplicate. The boy is growing up, and with every passing year, he looks more and more like the deceased man—even when compared to old photographs, they are absolutely identical. Her mother-in-law—the late husband's mother—absolutely dotes on the little one, even though he isn't her biological grandchild at all. She brings over baby photos of her late son, and it’s uncanny—they look like twins. It feels like some kind of miracle; it’s fascinating, yet at the same time, a little frightening… It’s almost supernatural.
Nobody can top the reason my last relationship ended: I hit a woman with my car. I called my boyfriend and asked him «Come! I just ran over an old lady—the stupid bitch was trying to cross the street on a red light.» He showed up. The «stupid old bitch» turned out to be his mother.
A female friend suggested a threesome (FMF), and—fool that I am—I agreed. I’m certainly no sex god; sometimes I struggle even with just one woman, because no matter how tired you are, you feel like you have to prove yourself every time and ensure she gets off. But with two women? That’s double the pressure. I was incredibly nervous—I even popped a pill just to make sure I wouldn't flop. It actually went well; they seemed to enjoy it (or at least, that’s what they said), and now they’re dropping hints about doing it again. No thanks. Afterward, my whole body ached from exhaustion for two straight days.
Spring fever—it’s a real thing. Yesterday, a neighbor lady cornered me in the stairwell and started screaming at me because I cook meals at home, and the smell wafts through the entire building. I’m not talking about a *stench*, mind you—I mean a *smell*. A delicious one. The funny thing is, that very same woman’s husband keeps asking me to cook him some of whatever I’m making.
I hopped into a minibus taxi, spotted the last remaining seat—and sat down. At a bus stop, an elderly woman boards; the doors close, and the bus pulls away. Suddenly, the driver slams on the brakes. The old woman begins to fall, and in that instant, every instinct and bit of training I possess kicked in: I managed to grab her by the elbow, pull her toward me, and—in the process—guide her down onto my seat. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a little girl toppling into the aisle; already in the midst of falling onto some guy myself, I instinctively tossed my tactical backpack into the aisle—it held my work sweater and trousers—and the child landed safely right on top of it. I, meanwhile, landed on the guy. There was a second of stunned silence inside the bus, followed by a simple question from the conductor: «Are you a ninja?»
I have a fantastic athletic figure: firm, size-3 breasts, a trim waist, a nice butt, and great legs. I’m pretty good-looking, too. While I was pregnant, my husband nearly cheated on me (I’m practically a female Sherlock Holmes). I get it, though—a wife with a big baby bump isn't exactly as attractive anymore… After giving birth, I actually became even slimmer, and I retained about 90% of my breast size. Now, he’s just as obsessed with me as he was before the pregnancy. But I still can’t bring myself to forgive him. And so, I’m going to cheat on him. After that stunt he pulled, I have no desire to be faithful anymore.
The most vivid memory from my childhood is a New Year's Eve when I was staying overnight with my aunt, and her drunk friends came over. One of them threw up all over the bathroom—but not before sweeping all the cosmetics off the shelf and into the tub first. The other one face-planted onto the sofa—exclaiming, «Oh, this feels so good!»—right into the spot where a tomcat had peed just a couple of minutes earlier.
The night before my thesis defense—despite the fact that I already had a boyfriend—I somehow ended up on Chatroulette. Naked. It was actually pretty fun showing myself off; it really turned me on. I ended up running into a guy there. Long story short, we spent three hours together—doing exactly what you’d expect. Some kind of crazy chemistry kicked in; I hadn't felt such intense desire in ages—I was practically trembling. To this day, I still remember his dazzling smile… and his cock. I haven't gone back on there since. He gave me his contact info, but I don't think I could bring myself to reach out—my conscience is eating at me, even though the experience itself was awesome.
One time, I sat down next to a girl on a bus. We hit it off, started talking, went on dates, fell in love… and then she cheated on me and left. Now, whenever there’s an empty seat on public transport, I think a thousand times before sitting down next to a cute girl. Just in case she ends up ruining my life all over again...
A girl recently added me on social media. She kept messaging me saying she wanted to get to know me—even after I’d turned her down several times. Eventually, I told her to get lost in pretty harsh terms. And I did it all because I already have a girlfriend I love. As it turned out later, *she* was the girlfriend I loved. She had been testing me using a fake profile. Now she’s furious with me for talking to her so rudely while she was messaging me from that fake account.
My brother’s ex-wife—after watching way too many online «life coaches»—filed for divorce. She decided she was a «goddess» who «deserved better.» She took out a bunch of loans because she wanted to open a beauty studio and go into business for herself. But then everything went completely to hell: she blew through all her money and had no way to pay off her loans. She tried to move back in with my brother, but he told her to get lost—and he was absolutely right to do so. He actually had a new girlfriend by then—a good woman: calm and much more down-to-earth. He proposed to her, but his ex just wouldn't let it go. She tried to sabotage things and cooked up all sorts of schemes, but it was all completely pointless. My brother’s wedding day arrived, and we had a fantastic celebration. We spent the second day celebrating outdoors. Then her mother—my brother’s ex-mother-in-law—showed up and caused a huge scene. She demanded to know what right we had to be celebrating a wedding when her daughter had hanged herself on that very day! What a family! Instead of burying her own daughter, she rushed over just to ruin our wedding—though, truth be told, we quickly kicked her out. Burying one’s child is a terrible tragedy, but that was *her* tragedy, not ours. Our family certainly didn't push her into the rope. And while you’re not supposed to speak ill of the dead, she really was a completely useless human being.
Other Trash Stories
It happened back during my student days.
I was working as an assistant, accompanying a lawyer to court hearings.
The case involved a married couple going through a divorce.
The husband had built a major business and was very well-off.
He was a calm man—clearly a caring one, too. The couple had three children, aged 12, 7, and 3. The husband had read his wife’s correspondence with her lover; he realized he had been cheated on and that the youngest child was not his. A divorce petition followed shortly thereafter.
The husband was willing to pay child support for two of the children, and he pleaded with his wife—doing everything in his power—to keep the proceedings free of scandal.
The wife, however, couldn't help herself. Declaring, «Since you have the audacity to doubt me, we’ll have DNA tests done on *all* the children—just so you can be shamed,» she filed a formal motion for forensic testing.
At the final hearing, the judge stared wide-eyed at the DNA test results, while the now-somewhat-crestfallen wife uttered a memorable line: «Well, I *assumed* the other two were definitely his… so where on earth am I supposed to find *their* fathers now?»
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