Our people have already been promised so much, but it’s still not enough!

Come in quietly, speak clearly, ask little, leave quickly.

Our country is rich, but temporarily poor.

Well, again there is no reason not to drink.

Nothing is given to us as cheaply as we want.

Measure several times and cut several times.

She followed him to Siberia and ruined his entire hard labor.

Let's cash in the Nobel Prize.

At the request of readers, our newspaper will be published in rolls and without text.

He who works hard, rests hard.

If you don't want it the bad way, it will be worse the good way.

That's the kind of person I am – I don't remember evil, I have to write it down.

A working day shortens life by 8 hours.

Speech without profanity turns into a report.

He who is born to crawl cannot fall.

The main thing is that the Kinder doesn't become a Surprise.

We have a huge village, with four sobering-up stations.

The wind in your head is never a tailwind.

Girl, you are so fashionable that it's not profitable for me.

Even if you've been eaten, you have two ways out.

Making a woman happy is easy, but expensive.

Better one time with Monica than every day with the whole country.

In every man's life, there comes a moment when it's easier to buy clean socks.

You find it funny, but I'm getting married.

All women want one thing, then another.

Everything is going well, just not in the right direction.

I can't stand it when others are working, I'll go lie down.

Everything that's not needed — goes to the children.

No, I'm not sleeping, I'm just blinking slowly.

There's no time for slow dances.

One head is good, but with a torso it's better.

Stand up for yourself, lie down for others.

If your head hurts, it means you have one.

For the first time, a new generation is lagging behind the previous one in development.

Studies in the US and Europe have shown that the average IQ has begun to decline: Gen Z performs worse than their parents in reading, arithmetic, memorization, and problem-solving. Scientists note a global decline in intelligence and mental flexibility.

Experts blame gadgets for this, as some Gen Z individuals spend more than 7 hours a day in front of screens. Distance learning has also contributed to the situation.

The internet is once again discussing one of the most mysterious and unsettling theories of recent years – the idea that the end of the world, according to the Mayan calendar, actually did happen on December 21, 2012.

According to proponents of this theory, the world didn't disappear after that date, but rather «rebooted,» and now we live in a different reality. Millions of users worldwide claim to feel strange changes in time and perception.

The world after 2012: a new branch of reality

Conspiracy theorists believe that since the end of 2012, our reality has undergone a shift. In their opinion, the familiar laws of time, memory, and perception have begun to work differently.

The main argument is the feeling of accelerated time. People in different countries claim that days and weeks fly by faster than before. Years seem to have compressed, and the usual flow of life has changed.

«Time seems to have become unstable. Weeks fly by like days, and the past increasingly feels like something unreal,» users share in online discussions.

Interestingly, similar ideas about «reality rifts» also appear in scientific theories about the development of the universe – for example, after cosmic events such as the collision of an asteroid with the Moon, which, according to researchers, can even affect terrestrial space.

Memory errors and coincidences that cannot be explained

Another argument for the theory is the mass occurrences of déjà vu and the «Mandela effect» – collective memories of events that didn't actually happen. People from different countries report having similar dreams, encountering recurring situations, and noticing that some historical facts have «changed.»

In addition, they note technological failures that coincide in dates – system failures, archive damage, and the disappearance of satellite data. Conspiracy theorists see in this traces of a «reboot,» where a new version of reality is superimposed on the old one. «It's like a software update installed on top of the old system,» users joke on forums dedicated to the topic of «glitches in the matrix.»

The disappearance of the old internet

One of the most discussed phenomena is the disappearance of content from the «2000's»

Supporters of the theory are convinced that a huge layer of old forums, websites, and memes has been erased.

According to them, finding authentic materials from before 2012 is becoming increasingly difficult, and the internet of the «old era» seems to have been reset.

Some see this as symbolic confirmation – the digital reality, reflecting our lives, has been reborn along with it. Scientists remind us that similar «reboot» processes are observed in nature – for example, when life on Earth recovers unexpectedly quickly after global catastrophes.

Body and climate anomalies

Physical «glitches» are no less discussed.

Users report sudden changes in biorhythms: many allegedly now only need 4-5 hours of sleep, although they previously needed at least eight. Conspiracy theorists link this to changes in frequency processes on the planet.

Supporters of the theory also point to climate instability: rapid changes of seasons, the absence of smooth transitions between winter and summer, and unpredictable weather anomalies.

All this, in their opinion, indicates a disruption of the previous balance in natural cycles – something that climatologists also talk about, observing how mountains are becoming a new point of no return for the planet.

What skeptics say

Scientists and psychologists explain the phenomenon from rational perspectives. The compression of time perception is linked to the acceleration of the pace of life, digitalization, and the constant flow of information. Collective memories are linked to the peculiarities of memory and the influence of the internet, where other people's descriptions easily become part of personal experience.

However, as cultural researchers note, the popularity of such theories is also an indicator of the times: in conditions of uncertainty and rapid changes, people seek an explanation that gives meaning to what is happening. The theory of «shifted reality» remains one of the most viral phenomena of the last decade. For some, it's a game of imagination; for others, it's an attempt to explain the unsettling feeling that the world has indeed changed. The only question is whether this change occurred externally or within ourselves.

Damn! What crazy things happen in our insane world! I just heard this news, a little late, and I was shocked.

The incident happened in Mexico. A local farmer got pretty drunk in a bar, tried to pick up a girl, but was rejected.

With an unsatisfied erection, he went to his pig farm and saw his pigs there. He couldn't control himself, and he lunged at one of the beautiful sows to have sex with her.

But the pig is smooth, has no horns, and there's nothing to grab onto. The farmer jumped on her many times and slipped in the pig shit. He was completely covered in shit, and the pigs shied away from him.

His dick was also covered in shit.

He tried to grab the sow, but his hands slipped because they were covered in shit.

But the farmer didn't give up on his attempts to have sex with the pig and jumped on her again. And the pig squealed, as if she was being raped, and called for help.

A local boar heard the squealing. He ran over and saw the whole scene of attempted rape and rushed to defend his beloved.

A terrible fight between the boar and the farmer ensued. It was a real battle of males for a female. They were all rolling in the shit and strangling each other. Neither wanted to give up.

The boar won. He bit off the farmer's fingers and tore off his penis.

The wounded farmer was found in the pig shit without his penis.

He was taken to the hospital, but he died there of grief because he was left without a penis and lost the joy of life.

Fucking hell.

For days now, every prime-time news broadcast has been explaining to me in detail that the main problem in our country is Epstein, who died 7 years ago, and his parties. As a result, everything I know about Epstein, I know against my will. I absolutely don't understand why I, should care about the parties of a dead pervert from twenty years ago. I only recently learned of his existence. But my government says I should care. So I'm worried.

Most of all, I'm worried that they can't explain to me what this whole thing even is? First, it's an elite club for the world's richest perverts, and then it turns out to be a free-for-all, where people went with their families. Everyone was there, from Bill Gates and Michael Jackson to Chris Tucker and Stephen, damn it, Hawking! I'm especially worried about the last one. The only things he could move were his finger and his eye. In what capacity did he go to the island? To create storm with his finger? Or did someone pay to have Hawking himself defiled and enter the world of astrophysics full throttle? Or maybe he was normal before the island, and after all this, that's when everything started?

I'm also worried that the interiors of the place where the world's richest people partied look like the house of every other one of our officials. You know, the ones who are rewarded for their very diligent work. The same gaudy gold, columns, hideous statues, and all that. That's why the only people Epstein didn't invite were gypsies. They wouldn't even make it to the orgies; they would have ejaculated from excitement right on the pier. At the same time, the «expensive and luxurious» look in some photos is juxtaposed with the dilapidated floors and interiors of a drug den in others. It feels like while Stephen Hawking is uncontrollably having sex like a horse on a piano between golden columns, Bill Gates and Richard Branson are sniffing glue from a bag on a worn-out sofa.

I'm also worried that these extravagant parties look like Halloween celebrations in a second-year dorm. Different budgets, same result. In the photo, there's a woman lying in a bathtub half-filled with sauce. It's supposed to be a bathtub of blood. I look at it and I'm genuinely ashamed that people with unlimited money only have enough imagination for this. And in the background is our national treasure – the People's Artist, Wolverine – Hugh Jackman. I'm especially worried about him, that he's forced to witness such tastelessness. Lady Gaga is fine though, she was practically shoveling it in with a spoon, eating for two. It's a shame she didn't have any bread – she won't get full that way. Although even her music videos, in terms of extravagance, put all of Epstein's parties combined to shame. Because her videos represent the expectations of the coolest parties, while Epstein's parties are the harsh reality.

My mother says, «Oh, you've grown up, son, hickeys on your neck, that means you've got a girlfriend.» And I nod, like, yeah, Mom, life's moving on… But I'm burning with shame. Because there's no girlfriend at all. That's not a hickey – it's a bruise. And the story is this: I decided to try to steal money from a gypsy in a wheelchair. Well, I thought, he won't catch me. But that bastard jumped up like Usain Bolt on adrenaline, caught up with me in two jumps and started strangling me as if I had offended his whole family. So yes, the bruise on my neck is not from love, but from gypsy rage...

A doctor colleague told me this story. They brought in a deranged man who, in a fit of rage, cut off his penis. There was a sea of ​​blood, but the doctors performed a miracle and sewed everything back on, better than it was before. So imagine the doctors' surprise when this guy was brought in again soon after, but… This time he cut off and chopped his penis into small pieces, starting from the tip. To make sure they couldn't sew it back on.

My boyfriend likes to put my hair ties on his penis and masturbate with them. He calls it a dedication. Now all my hair ties are «dedicated.» It's funny giving them to my friends when I know where they've been.

I have very few friends. So I hire a prostitute and we have very nice conversations, watch movies… Lately, she's stopped taking payment and we're kind of like friends now.

I put my shoes up for sale. A buyer was found. I thought that the man was probably choosing a gift for his wife. I was happy, rubbing my hands together. But he writes that he won't buy them, but he'll pay me to let him smell them.

I'm sitting here and I don't know how to react to this.

My husband and I went on our honeymoon, spent a fortune on the trip, so we expected the sea, the beach, and some cultural enrichment. In three weeks, we only left the hotel four times. All we got was a lot of sex. We were angry with ourselves, because we could have had sex at home, but we couldn't help ourselves. We promised each other that we wouldn't make the same mistake next time.

Six years ago, when I was studying medicine, several people from my group were sent to America for a few days for practical training. When we left, we thought we'd have a blast after work. From the airport, we were assigned to hospitals in pairs and locked in white basements that looked like a morgue. Every day they brought us 15-20 corpses, and we had to remove epithelial tissue. We slept with them in the room. There wasn't much space, and they were lying under our couches, on top of each other, standing against the wall. At night we would wake up because air was escaping from the bodies, the stench was terrible. We only saw the city through a grate in the wall of the toilet. When we got home, some of us couldn't stop drinking for a month. What a great trip that was.

I sadly remember how a threesome fell through when I was younger. I was staying at my girlfriend's place, she invited her friend over, we had wine, fun music, dancing, and then we were kissing in bed. My head was spinning with excitement and alcohol, I was going to be the hero of a MFF threesome. We were already undressed, warmth on the right – breasts sliding against my shoulder, warmth on the left, two more large ones pressing down on me. I was squeezing them, enjoying myself. And then my girlfriend suddenly snapped and yelled obscenities: «Get away from my man!» – the other girl got offended and left. I was lying there in shock with an erection. Now I have a family, two children. Ah, nostalgia.

Yesterday, my boyfriend and I were having sex, everything was going fine. Moans and groans, then he decided to turn me over, and in the «I'm on my knees» position, he started performing oral sex on me. A minute passed, I felt the amplitude of his movements change, and then he just ran away. It turned out he felt nauseous and ran to the toilet… What a fucked-up situation. First time in my life something like this has happened. I had showered before sex.

I like to masturbate while driving. I get in the car, take off my pants and underwear, step on the gas, and off I go. An incredible adrenaline rush! I feel like Superman!

I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year, and the relationship is losing its spark. To spice things up, we've been practicing anal sex. He took a long time to get inside me, but he finally did. It even felt good afterwards. When he finished and pulled out, I accidentally defecated on him, very liquidy. He immediately ran to the shower, and I went to bed, burning with shame. When he came back into the room, his words killed me even more: «Now that's what I call adding some spice to the relationship!» He promised not to mention it again, but I'm still ASHAMED.

I believe that money should be treated with respect. I collect all the coins I find lying around, I don't even disdain pennies. I believe there's a law of money circulation. Many of my acquaintances don't consider small change as real money, they leave it lying around the house or, if they accidentally drop it, they don't pick it up. And I've noticed one thing: those who have coins scattered all over their apartment because they don't need them, usually experience a lack of money, and vice versa. And my husband and I are quite well-off.

One night, we (me, my friend, and our boyfriends) went to a party at a friend's place. His neighbor, a huge guy, lived in the next room. We all drank together that night, and early in the morning, our friend had to leave. He said, «Sleep well, have breakfast, and then you can go home.» We got up (the neighbor was still asleep), washed all the dishes, cleaned the kitchen, bought food for everyone, and were sitting around cooking while drinking beer. And then, when the chicken in the oven started to brown, this huge jerk came out of his room and told us to get out of the apartment immediately. To our timid objections about the food and beer we had bought, he responded with threats of physical violence. In short, when the guy went to the toilet, we quickly removed the baking sheet with undercooked chicken legs from the oven, took the huge pot of half-cooked rice off the stove, and dumped all the contents into a large bag. Naturally, we also grabbed the beer from the refrigerator, after which we successfully retreated with a hearty laugh.

Happy hangover to you, asshole!))

I haven't had sex in a long time. My husband is far away. I started having erotic dreams. Yesterday I thought I'd come home from work, finish all my chores, and masturbate before bed while watching porn. I remember coming home from work. I remember doing the chores. I even put the vibrator under my pillow before going to bed. And then I lay down, and that was it. I only opened my eyes in the morning. I didn't even have the strength to masturbate. That's awful!

I was walking home when a sports BMW sped past me, driven by a girl. She splashed me from head to toe with mud, and I was already soaking wet. As she was turning out of the courtyard, she slowed down, and I quickly managed to mold a lump of mud and snow and throw it at her driver's door, right at the window. The window was closed. She stopped completely and started getting out of the car, apparently to beat me up, showering me with the worst insults. While she was getting out, I wanted to run away, but since her leg came out first, I managed to notice that she was wearing a fur coat and huge heels. Feeling superior in my comfortable clothes and flat boots, I decided that I would beat her up, and calmly let her get out of the car. She flew at me, and I grabbed her by both shoulders, shoved her into the mess she had spilled on me, and quickly ran into the building entrance, shouting that she was a bitch and a fucking loser! In the end, I was as dirty as a pig, but I was the hero of the day and victorious.

Other Thrash Stories

1. I was at a student party with a friend, and there was a cute German student I was flirting with. We started having sex by the pool table when the party quieted down a bit, and suddenly, without warning, he lifted my arm and LICKED. MY. ARMPIT.

2. I met up with a guy late at night. I was incredibly tired, and when things started, I began to fall asleep. I wanted to finish quickly and go home, so I tried to give him oral sex. And, to make matters worse, he couldn't finish from that.

So, after at least 10 minutes of unsuccessful attempts, I fell asleep with his penis in my mouth. A few moments later, he nudged me to try again. I just laughed and went home.

3. I was having sex with this guy, and during intercourse, I decided I didn't like it anymore, so we went to sleep. Later, I woke up to him throwing up on me. I got up and said, «You need to leave.» I desperately wanted to take a shower, but I didn't want him to join me, so I sat and waited, covered in vomit, until he left.

In the end, he cost me $70 for laundry because my dresser drawers were open, and everything in them got soiled. And I also got a yeast infection, and I'm pretty sure that sitting in his vomit for about 30 minutes played a role in that too.

4. I went dancing with a couple of friends, got really drunk, and ended up going home with some stranger. We got into bed, and while I was giving him oral sex, I felt his sharp, untrimmed toenails scratching my vagina. He was literally «touching» me with his toes while I was giving him oral sex! I was horrified. In the end, I climbed back on top of him, quickly gave him oral sex, and waited for him to fall asleep so I could leave. I bled from my vagina for several days, and it even hurt because his toenails were scratching my insides.

5. One time I went on a date with a guy. We both got pretty drunk, and I took him back to my place. Needless to say, he couldn't «perform,» but he decided he should still pleasure me, after which he started messing around with my crotch, but quickly passed out. The longest night of my life.

6. After quick sex in a club bathroom, I went home with a stranger. He took me to his bedroom, turned off the lights, and we started having sex again.

A few minutes later he says, «Shhh, get back in bed.» Confused, I turned around and saw HIS YOUNGER SISTER sitting on a bunk bed at the other end of the room with a flashlight in her hand. She was watching her brother have sex with me. Damn it.

7. I met this guy at a party, and we both drank too much. Then we went back to my place and started hooking up. Soon I found out he was a virgin.

I gave him oral sex, and I immediately had a gag reflex. I threw up right on him, to which he asked, «Did I finish or was that vomit?» I ended the night crying naked on the bathroom floor. I think we both got psychologically traumatized by that encounter.

8. Once I was getting oral sex, but my girlfriend didn't know she had lice. The next day they appeared on my pubic hair, and I initially panicked because I thought I had pubic lice.

9. I went to the store and bought a bag of prunes because I was a little constipated, and I started eating them absentmindedly. After eating half a kilo of prunes, I met a cute guy for drinks. After the third glass, my stomach started rumbling, but I wasn't going to let a few farts ruin the date. He drove me back to his place, and we started having sex. Mind you, I had eaten half a kilo of prunes and was holding back several HUGE FARTS. Finally, I asked him to take me home.

The story doesn't end there, because after getting home and spending an hour in agony on the toilet, I went to the store in my cute white sweatpants. There, right in the wine aisle, while I was holding a huge bottle of red wine, my intestines decided to release everything that had accumulated. I tripped on my way to the toilet, fell, dropped and broke the bottle, and pooped myself right in the middle of the store. In white sweatpants.

10. I was making out with a colleague I barely knew at a company Christmas party. We went back to his place and had pretty good sex in the living room until his ex-girlfriend, who he still lived with (he «forgot» to mention that), slammed the door and started screaming furiously.

Oops. The guy went outside to calm her down, and I quickly got dressed and somehow slipped out unnoticed. A few weeks later, he asked me to deny our encounter in case she messaged me, because they had gotten back together. Oh my god.

11. I was drunk on vacation and slept with one of my friends. Afterwards, he drunkenly stumbled back to his bedroom. I looked at the sheets, and they were COVERED in blood. I MEAN, EVERYWHERE.

I wasn't supposed to be on my period, but Mother Nature had other plans. Then I had to forcibly drag him out of bed and make him take a shower because most of his stomach was covered in blood. Needless to say, that was the only time I had intimate relations with him.

12. I met a guy, and when I was giving him oral sex, his foreskin wouldn't retract past the tip, and he smelled of stale urine. I was studying penis anatomy in university at the time and essentially diagnosed him with phimosis.

He lay on my bed in complete shock, and I, half-naked in my underwear, acted like his therapist for about an hour (awkward). A month later, he messaged me saying he'd had a circumcision and asked if I wanted to see the results!

13. I met a guy online. I was on all fours, he entered me from behind, then immediately got up, walked around, picking up various things from the floor. I asked what was wrong, and he replied, «Well, I'm a little drunk, probably in the morning.»

I got up to get dressed and stepped in a huge puddle of semen. He came literally in one go and then tried to hide it.

14. I went on a date with a guy from Tinder and decided to go back to his place. We were lying in bed completely naked, getting aroused, and he pulled away from the kiss and asked, «Can I pee on your breasts?»

I stared at him for a full 10 seconds before asking if he was serious. He said he was. I've never gotten dressed so fast in my life. Needless to say, I never spoke to him again, even after he messaged me apologizing for his bluntness.

15. I was dating a guy once, and after I gave him oral sex, he hid in the bathroom and prayed for about ten minutes. When he finally came out of the bathroom, he pushed me out the door. A year later, he apologized to me for his «strange behavior.»

16. This was our third date, and I had been holding back for a long time despite our mutual attraction, so we ended up doing it in the back seat of his car. He put a condom on his rather small penis (that wasn't a problem) and finished in about three minutes (a little awkward). After that, we hardly talked, and he dropped me off at my house.

The next day I discovered that the condom was still inside me!!! How could he not have said that he couldn't find it?! Why did he use Magnum condoms on his tiny penis?! We never spoke again.

17. As things heated up, I felt like I needed a tissue. I tried sniffing a few times, but the runny nose wouldn't stop, so I finally pulled away to get a tissue and discovered that his shirt, face, and my bed were COVERED in blood. From my nose.

I had a nosebleed, right onto his face. Apparently, I didn't look much better, because he looked at me, panicked, and ran into my bathroom, then came out and asked, «So, is there anything I should know?»