Suspicious Carpet Buyer

Original ad:
I need a whole roll of carpet doesnt matter what kind will pay cash i need it fast


From Me to ***********@*************.org:

Hey,

Do you still need rolls of carpet? I have a deal worked out with a carpet wholesaler and can get you as many carpets as you need.

Thanks,

Mike

From *********@comcast.net to Me:

yeah I just need one how much do you want for it

From Me to *********@comcast.net:

I am asking $50 for the roll of carpet. It sounds like you also need some cleaning supplies. Luckily, I also sell gloves, mops, buckets, spray bottles, garbage bags, as well as disinfectants, odor removal chemicals, and enzyme solvents, in case you are interested in any of that.

Mike

From *********@comcast.net to Me:

what? I dont need any of that just the rug

From Me to *********@comcast.net:

Are you sure? It sounds like you need this rug to take care of a "problem", and you might want the cleaning supplies to clean up the rest of that problem.

Mike

From *********@comcast.net to Me:

my only problem is that i need this carpet and you are trying to sell me cleaning stuff

From Me to *********@comcast.net:

Look, you don't have to fool me. There is only one reason to urgently need a rug. It is pretty clear that you killed someone and need to get rid of them.

I've been there, man...whether it is a friend who overdosed on drugs, or a dead hooker, it is important that you clean everything up. You can't just roll them up in a carpet and forget about them. Don't worry, I can help you.

Mike

From *********@comcast.net to Me:

i didnt kill a hooker what the hell is wrong with you? i need the carpet for my apartment to replace my old stained carpet so i dont get screwed on my security deposit which is why i need it fast

From Me to *********@comcast.net:

Hey man, I'm not one to judge you. I understand that accidents happen. Maybe she didn't tell you when to stop choking her, or maybe you didn't realize that roofie you slipped in her Cosmo was actually cyanide. Either way, a dead hooker isn't the end of the world. Hookers die all the time; it comes with their line of work. The important thing is to stay calm and make sure that you clean everything up.

You have a good cover story with the security deposit. You are smart to get rid of the old blood-stained carpet, but you still will need my cleaning supplies. A small blood stain on the top of the rug is usually a much larger stain underneath the rug, and you can't simply put a new rug on top of it. With my dead hooker cleanup package, it comes with everything you need to clean up the "accident" and make it look like it never happened. The entire package, including the rug, will only cost you $100.

You should act soon before it is too late!

Mike

From *********@comcast.net to Me:

is everyone on craigslist this crazy or is it just you? all i want is the carpet and you are being a huge pain in my ass. ill find one from someone who isnt a goddamn psycho

Useful service

The idea for a startup is the services of a bold extrovert. you're the kind of person who pays money so that a person goes somewhere with you and asks with his fucking mouth everything you need because you're scared.

Disguised Weapons

Original ad:
**** Disguisable weapons wanted ****
Wanted: hidden blades, belt buckle knives, cane swords, etc.....
Offering: cash, items for barter


From Me to **********@***********.org:

Hey,

I saw your ad looking for concealable/disguised weapons. I have several fine-crafted items you may be interested in. Respond if you are interested and I will send you pictures and prices.

Thanks,

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

I am. lets see what you got.

From Me to Jeff ******:

Jeff,

Here you go:



Looks like a normal spoon, right?



Wrong. It is actually a deadly 2.5" half-smooth, half-serrated knife with tactical grip. One minute you are enjoying a bowl of cereal, and the next you are fighting off attackers with this deadly and disguised weapon.

I am asking $50 for the blade. Let me know if you want to stop by and take a look at it.

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

that is stupid as hell and looks like crap. unless you have anything better to offer, dont waste my time.

From Me to Jeff ******:

Jeff,

I am sorry you feel that way about the spoon blade. I do have some other weapons that I think you will feel differently about.

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

fine. but if it is another knife duct taped to a spoon then you can fuck off.

From Me to Jeff ******:

Jeff,

Thank you for re-considering. Here are three quality disguised weapons that I think you will love: 



At first glance, this looks like a normal party cup. However, if you look close enough, you will see that it is really a fully automatic Glock 18C. You will be able to pour your enemies a nice warm cup of lead with this fine purchase. Asking $900 for the gun/cup combo.



Still thirsty for justice? Try this badass M16A2 disguised as a 24-pack of soda. The box has two finely crafted holes on each side to allow for any kind of optics (not included) that you wish to attach. This weapon is only for sale if you have a Class III permit.

 


This cleverly disguised weapon may look like a tissue box, but is actually a Benelli M3 12 gauge shotgun disguised as a tissue box. The ultra-soft quilted tissues serve as a comfortable grip on the pump-action shotgun. Also, if you find yourself sneezing during the heat of combat, you will have a handy tissue box ready for action. Asking $1500 for the weapon. Additional tissue boxes are an extra $5 per box.

Let me know if you want any of these items.

Thanks,

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

youre a fucking dumbass, shitbrained, asswipe, retarded dipshit. you prob walk around with that shit too you dumb mother fucker. I hope you get hit by a car. fuck off, eat shit, and die.

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