Hagglers

The following post is a set of e-mails from me actually trying to sell my TV. I guess I was asking too much for it.                 

Original ad:
PLASMA HDTV - $850
I'm selling my 42" 720p Samsung Plasma TV (PN42A410). I bought it a year ago and there is nothing wrong with it. I just want to get a bigger TV with more P's.          

From ************@yahoo.com to Me


hey will you take $700 for it


From Me to ************@yahoo.com


You are asking me to drop the price by $150. I am willing to do this if you let me shoot you in the groin with my paintball gun 20 times in a row. You can't wear a cup. I get to set the velocity to 450 FPS.


From ************@yahoo.com to Me


seriously?


From Me to ************@yahoo.com


Yes. 20 shots and its yours.


From ************@yahoo.com to Me


uhh no. hows $750 sound


From Me to ************@yahoo.com


Do you have a girlfriend? If you do, and she is hot (I'll need pics), and she blows me, you can have the TV for $750. You can't watch either.


From ************@yahoo.com to Me


fuck off dude


From Me to ************@yahoo.com


Tell you what, I'll sell it to you for $900 and you won't have to do any of that stuff.


From ************@yahoo.com to Me


wtf your ad said $850


From Me to ************@yahoo.com


I added $50 for you trying to haggle me. I'll remove this $50 haggling fee if you let me break an empty vodka bottle over your head.


From ************@yahoo.com to Me


fuck off



From **************@comcast.net to Me


A TV like that goes for $699 brand new at Best Buy. I'll give you $400 for it?


From Me to **************@comcast.net


For $400, I will cut the TV in half with a sawzall and give you half of it. Which half would you like? The left half has all of the HDMI inputs, and the right half has the power/channel/input buttons.


From **************@comcast.net to Me


I guess I'm going to Best Buy...


From Me to **************@comcast.net


WAIT! Before you go to Best Buy, consider my new offer:


I'll sell you the TV for my new low price of $800. Also, I was planning on leaving it on a paused frame of gay porn all weekend so it would be burned into the screen, but I won't do this if you accept my offer within the next 10 minutes.




From cory ***** to Me


ill give you $600 cash for your tv


From Me to cory *****


Sounds good! When can you come get it?


From cory ***** to Me


where do you live?


From Me to cory *****


**** *******


From cory ***** to Me


well ya i know that but like whats your address


From Me to cory *****


I'm not telling you that. Sorry, but I just don't trust people from the internet.


From cory ***** to Me


well do you want to deliver it to my place?


From Me to cory *****


And get kidnapped? I don't think so.


Here's how it is going down: We'll meet Sunday afternoon in a crowded part of town. Lets say High St, by the courthouse. I'll be walking towards Market St and you'll be walking away from it at precisely 1:00 (when the courthouse clock goes off.) Have a black suitcase ready with $600 in unmarked, non-sequential US twenty-dollar bills. I'll have a suitcase as well, and be wearing a black suit. Tell me what you plan on wearing. We will accidentally bump into each other, drop our suitcases, and pick up the other person's suitcase and continue walking. The suitcase you pick up will have a key inside it to a 1998 Ford Econoline that will be parked on Miner Street. Use the key to open the back of the van, which will have the TV inside of it. Take the TV, and leave the key in the van. You will be watched so don't try anything funny. If the suitcase does not have $600 in it, the van will be destroyed.


Does this work for you?


From cory ***** to Me


no wtf


From Me to cory *****


why not?                 


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