Trash stories 2

Returned from a business trip, found a tie under the bed. A strange, creepy green tie. My wife, of course, denies it, says I don't know where it came from. Of course, I lost my temper. We've been married for less than a year, and she went to the left. Kicked out instead. My mother arrived, saw the tie and said, "Oh, what a beautiful tie I gave you for the new year. And why don't you wear it?". My wife blocked my number, I don't know where she went. I'm an asshole.

I was riding in a bus, and one guy decided to organize a flash mob. He asked everyone sitting at the window that overlooks the sidewalk, at his signal, to wave to passers-by with stone faces. I was lucky, I was at the window and saw the reaction of passers-by. It was hilarious. I can imagine how it looked from the outside: a bus is passing, and all the mismatched passengers are waving at you importantly.

A friend was glad that he had lost 20 pounds, walked around all happy, and he was saying something about willpower. It turned out he just has HIV

When I found out that I was expecting a daughter, the whole family chose a name for a very long time. They argued, offered, and finally found something that satisfied everyone. The name is rare and beautiful. Six months after the birth, a former classmate, with whom I had only greeted before, wrote to me with a claim that I stole the name of her daughter, who was not even in the project yet.

My boyfriend and I have a break in our relationship. Do you think if you gave a blowjob to two guys at the entrance, it counts as treason? There was no pussy, only suction...

I'm a menswear designer. Always surrounded by model boys with perfect bodies, pumped up, tanned, with shaved armpits. I look at them like hangers, and only my fat and hairy husband excites me.

It's terribly strange, but I have a fetish about which very little is known on the Internet and it's very difficult to even meet something like this in the open spaces. The fact is that I really like how women's sneakers look on a platform or high soles, and I would like to have sex with a girl so that she is at least completely naked, but that there are sneakers on her legs... I like the way it looks so much that I would even like to try on something like this myself and have sex with a girl in them. Yeah...

One day I came across a porn video of my wife on the Internet. It was a "dorm" household porn, how disgusting it became to me, she is so modest in appearance, we have a child, and one fucked her on camera, the second stood on her tits. I do not know what to do now, I do not want to live with her anymore.

At some point, I hammered into my head that LJ and MJ with a married couple is not cheating with the mutual consent of both spouses. I shared this thought with my husband, and he gladly agreed. We decided to try, at the insistence of my husband, first LJ. I persuaded one of my friends. We tried it. It didn't come to the MFM, because I was shocked to see how passionately the husband licks the anus of a friend, then fucks her there, and only tries to cum in my mouth, and after someone else's ass I'm somehow squeamish.

It so happened that my boyfriend and I both come from families with strict upbringing, so we mutually decided that we would not have sex before the wedding. And finally 3 days ago we got married and we were given a PS4 for our wedding . We've been sitting around for the third day, we haven't slept together, it's funny to feel like a married virgin.

Trash Stories

Everyone leaves money in winter jackets so that a pleasant surprise will turn out for the season. I found a used condom with mold inside in a winter jacket 😐 

When I was 5 years old, in the kindergarten, I heard the phrase "Beat, means love." When they took me home, I decided to show my mother how much I love her. I go up to her and give her enough strong slap. Mother in awe looks at me and says son, are you fucked? And she gave me such a slap in response that I passed out. 

My classmate had a thoroughbred fluffy dog named Pipi. In the first grade, the lesson was about pets. He proudly announced to the whole class: “I have a Pipi! Come to my house and I'll show you! You can even touch it, it's small." The teacher is shocked. 

I am a funny person, I laugh at many things, but when I heard my lady's vagina farting air, I screamed for a week ... 

Today I was walking home, and a couple of lovers walked in front of me ... The girl's laces on her sneakers were untied, and she stopped to tie them, but the guy did not notice this and went on ... Well, I overtook the girl and was about to overtake guy, as he abruptly turned around and kissed me on the lips! FUCK YOUR LIPS! You should have seen the face of the guy who looked at me in shock, and the wild neighing of the girl all over the street! She apologized through laughter, grabbed the guy by the hand, and they left! By the way, it was my first kiss... I hate you, creature... 

Scammers from bank first swindled the stupid chick for money, and then forced her to strip naked and stand in the pose of a star, supposedly this is a test from the bank's robot. You will never find a dumber person than this chick. How do I know this chick? This is my aunt. 

I decided to introduce my girlfriend to the parents. Invited her home for dinner. Everything went well until I got sick and they sent me to a room to lie down, where I fell asleep. A couple of hours later, I woke up and found my girlfriend drinking vodka with my dad, while smoking right in the room and making obscene jokes. I'm in shock, and dad said "get married." 

The guy is a fan of jokingly waving personal belongings. I don’t know what kind of joke it is, but either he shows a helicopter, or an elephant, or just waves, or a ball rolls out of his shorts, attracting attention. It always annoyed me a little, because. looks the most ridiculous. But all my requests to stop were ignored. And recently, the guy wanted to get a cat. I don’t particularly like flea carriers of all kinds, but since he wants it that way, please. The first thing the cat did when he arrived at our house was to grab the guy's "trunk" with his claws when he once again began to swing it. Then the hunt for personal belongings began in general - as soon as the cat sees at least a little bare flesh, it begins to attack. In general, now the guy keeps everything to himself, and I suddenly realized that cats are nothing like that, normal)) 

A lot of guys break the bridle on their dick during sex, and I tore the bridle under the tongue during pussy eating ... Just Mr. Luck 

The other day a girl told me that she wants to be raped, she wants to be rude. Well, I got the hint. On the trail. a week later I came to her, started molesting, she resisted, started pushing me away, everything was fine .. It all ended with me starting to beat her and she kicked me out screaming .. I left and the next day found out that she had written a statement against me ... 

I'm trying to convey to my girlfriend that there is "men's food, dishes" and a woman should not eat them, but these are: barbecue, steaks, salads such as Olivier, sausage, salmon, ham, burgers, pilaf, rolls, sweets (except for fruits, their woman can ). My girlfriend can't hear or understand me. Women's food is: yogurt, vegetable salad, a little cheese, buckwheat, rice). Many women (I read the forum sometimes, they write that they have enough yogurt and apples for the whole day and even a lot, that’s all and right, a woman by nature practically doesn’t feel hunger, it’s not given to her). 

My girlfriend is just stupid! Bought birth control pills. He says, come on, let everything down into me, I'm protected! That's exactly what I did. Then he offered to repeat, she takes another candle and sticks it in her ass! I'm shocked! "Did you do that before last time too?" "Yes!" - answers! Candles, damn it, are ginal! Well, how can I raise a child with this fool now ?! 

I was talking with a guy about fetishes, I found out that he wants to shit in my mouth 😐 

Today in the shopping center toilet I heard how in the next stall a grandmother persuaded her granddaughter to wash away the poop. To which the granddaughter replied that these were her poop and she was not going to give them to the sewer, and with wild crying she asked to put them in a bag and take them home ... 

I have acquaintances and they often speak newfangled words (such as krinzh, rofl). I'm embarrassed to keep asking what they mean. It's a shame when they answer me that I'm ancient. They often write and speak in abbreviated words, such as lp or kr. I just want to hit them and say that they wrote normally, the keyboard is free .. 

Guys, let's all confess, we all piss around the edges of the toilet to wash off the stuck shit 

I live with a girl. There was once a case, I was returning home after a hard day at school. I had the keys, but if the door is closed inside, then the dick will open it with the key. In general, I start knocking on the door, no one opens. I was crazy, knowing that my girlfriend is 100% at home, I understand that something has happened, I start gouging the fuck out so that all the neighbors climbed out. One neighbor got out, she says that she saw how she brought the guy and he didn’t seem to leave. I’m wildly freaking out here, I just start to put out the door with my feet and fists, but the bitch is silence, not a single rustle. I understand that I will have to open it, since she also did not answer calls. I wrote to her friend to call her, MB is really afraid to open, she didn’t pick up the phone anyway. I went for an hour and a half and fucking. Already desperate and calling the door opening service, like here, mine opens the door. What do you think, she was fucking SLEEPING 😶 P.S. Neighbor confused mine with another chick 

I hate cottages in terms of growing all kinds of vegetables and fruits. As a child, my grandparents had THREE dachas, and my parents and I were thrown from dacha to dacha, like a slave from plantation to plantation ... I think that if you need to grow something in the dacha, then only for pleasure and in reasonable quantities because it's all in stores and at affordable prices! 

As a child, in the summer I was always sent to my grandmother for the holidays, so for many years I thought that it was always summer in the village. You should have seen my face when I arrived in the village for the New Year. 

I have been working in the library for a long time. During this time I saw many different people, but one man was most remembered. He always came in women's clothes, sometimes in a wig, and in the summer he even shaved his legs. As it turned out, a consequence of concussion. More than a year does not appear, but it's a pity. Despite the strange appearance, he was an interesting interlocutor. 

Almost five months without sex. The other day I watched porn and burst into tears when a guy and a girl began to kiss gently after a hard fuck. I'm an incorrigible romantic fool :(( 

I fondly remember my student days. In our group, by the last year, in the fifth round, everyone slept with each other. Everyone was so friendly and nice, like a big Swedish family. And no one has ever offended anyone in any way, neither girls nor boys. Whoever wanted with whom - they slept with that, well, unless of course there was a mutual desire. Oh, to repeat those few wonderful years ... 

My husband and I have a code word for sex, and that word is "cake." Very comfortably. You can discuss anywhere which cake is better to bake in the evening: with whipped cream or with chocolate cream.

If you are normal, you have got to be MAD!