I went over to visit an old friend of mine, Nika. We sat down for a nice, cozy chat—had some tea, polished off a glass of wine each. Then, before bed, she went to take a shower.

She came out and asked:

«Hey, Katya—have you ever, like, masturbated using water?»

I said:

«Of course!»

And so, we started comparing notes.

Then Nika recalled:

«You know, back when I was living with my parents, the bathtub there was totally awesome—it even had this cool grate at the bottom.»

I asked:

«Oh, so you’d sit right on the grate?»

«Well, yeah… I mean, the tub was full of water, right? Plus, there was this really handy hose—a black one. You could unscrew the showerhead and just go to town with the jet...»

Nika grinned dreamily and lit a cigarette.

«But then my dad decided he was getting too old for that setup, so he replaced it. And the new one turned out not to be nearly as cool. I mean, it was convenient enough, but because I was constantly unscrewing and screwing the head back on, it started leaking pretty quickly. You know—right at the threads.»

My dad just couldn't figure out why the new shower kept leaking, so he decided to fix it. Basically, he stuffed a washer inside and somehow packed the interior with… well, what do you call it? Some kind of technical packing material, anyway. To seal it up *tight*!

Nika paused for a moment, blew a smoke ring, and finished her story:

«So, from then on, I had to take a pair of pliers with me to the bathroom every evening.»