If you feel like a moron, then remember my friend. He fucked a girl for three months, walked with her in taverns, and so on, well, they are still some kind of esoteric-schizoteric subculture, they get stoned forever… and so my friend all this time did not know that his chick was deaf and dumb, he thought that she is stupid or extinguished forever)) I talked to her, she did not answer or mumbled or showed gestures))

We had sex with a guy, he threw used condoms under the bed. After a hot night, I didn’t find them there, everywhere was searched, but the condoms disappeared… The next day, everything fell into place when his dad shouted from the corridor: “Danya, damn it, your dog is shitting with condoms!”

I absolutely do not want to buy a used car, because I am haunted by the thought that the previous owner farted mercilessly in the driver's seat.

My sister bought herself a bitch fur coat for 100-something thousand, while her little brother needs an operation on his eye so as not to go blind.

Mom says it's her money after all, let her do what she wants.

And I already gave the fucking fur coat back to the store, and now she wants to sue me.

Broken family relationships.

She hinted to the young man that I would very much like to wake up one fine morning from oral sex. In the morning I woke up because he was poking my dick in my mouth.

It just so happened that I have a superpower: since childhood I have not smelled any. Even if the stinkiest spitting bum will fart with me, I will be pissed off. Yes, I don’t smell my mother’s cutlets, the girl’s perfume, but that’s okay, and there are still more bad smells in the world than good ones, at least in our crap town everything is like that. And so, when I get bored, I gorge myself on protein bars and go to the cinema or ride in transport, and I get a hard puff from them. And just imagine, you are sitting in the cinema, farting and watching how a whole row is vacated)) and now you are already at home, lounging on chairs, farting and watching a movie for your pleasure)

Have you ever wondered if you can fry sperm?

In fact, this is the same protein as in the egg.

This question haunted me, and what is said — done.

Accumulated semen for 10 days. Then he jerked off into a glass and fried it with a sausage cut into rounds. In general, you can’t tell the difference from scrambled eggs.

Guys, this is complete fucked up… Just a few hours ago, a relative called me and told me what trick my second cousin had done the other day ...

This small representative of the human race was presented with a fancy smartphone for his birthday (the boy turned 6 years old). Small immediately pumped up various games for himself, and among them was the game «Myausim», I think many have heard about it. So, 2 months have passed, and this small reptile came up with the idea to teach a domestic cat to go to the toilet, just like cats do in the game. No sooner said than done. While the parents were busy with their own affairs, the little slut pushed the poor cat backwards right into the hole in the toilet bowl… I will not go into details, I will only say that after that the poor animal ended up in a veterinary clinic with a fracture of its hind legs, where it died a few hours later from a broken heart. But what killed me the most was that the parents just laughed at this case, saying «children are such children» ...

We had a fucking subject a year ago, it was called LOGIC. The teacher loaded us with some kind of crap, we taught all sorts of shit and he shouted that his subject was the most important, because without logic you can’t live in this wide world. As a result, we came to the exam jerked off, shaking, we didn’t know what and how it would be there. They sat down, he gave us candies and the point was that whoever had the chocolate filling — that five was automatic, who had milk — for retake immediately.

One person yelled:

What the hell is logic? Fucked up… — and threw the notebook on the floor.

The teacher said to him in response: — Quickly came here.

Dude came up and the teacher gave him a four in the test book.

People are in awe, we ask «why the four?»

The teacher «lowered the score for the mat.»

I saw a huge spider on the wall. I didn’t think of anything better than to seal it crosswise with masking tape (I’m in awe, how did I do it). I'm afraid so bad. So the spider has been hanging for the second day under a blanket of scotch tape ...

I was walking down the street, and a guy with a very sour face was walking towards the meeting. I decided to smile at him, cheer up like) He looked at me and how he vomits! I hope he had something with his stomach, and I didn’t act on him like that.

My boyfriend is a body odor fetishist. He can bury himself in my chest, hair, neck, somewhere lower and inhale for a long time, talking about how pleasant I smell. Why a fetishist? Because in the process he gets up) Yes, and he ends at such moments faster and stronger, I indulge in this every time, I check) What can I say, it’s nice for me)

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