1. A woman came in and spent about 10 minutes talking about how she bought cinnamon-flavored lubricant, and now she’s complaining that she smeared it on her ass during anal sex, which is why her anus “inflamed.” She wanted me to pay her $500 for pain and suffering. She even found it necessary to lift her skirt, take off her panties and show me her burning ass. I told her to come back when the owner was there and show him everything. She whined that she couldn't even sit down.

2. We had video viewing rooms in the store with a $20 deposit. Don't cum on the floor or pee in the trash can and you'll get your deposit back.

I thought it was strange that we even had a rule about peeing. But then I had to tell one guy that he wouldn't get his deposit back because he pissed all over the place.

3. My sister used to work in a pretty decent sex shop. Nurses from a nearby hospital often came there, so she constantly had to listen to salacious stories about patients admitted to the emergency department.

My favorite story is about a woman who wanted to try anal sex, but her boyfriend was against it. She decided to try it herself and impaled her ass on the doorknob without removing the knob from the door. Yes, you read that right, that's right. Now imagine a doorknob and think very carefully about the role of the sphincter. She got stuck and called the firefighters, who arrived, and they had to saw the door so that the woman could be taken to the hospital to remove the handle. She was apparently wheeled into the emergency room on a stretcher, belly down, with part of the door sticking out of her butt. After administering muscle relaxants and lubrication, she was pulled out of there.

4. When I was younger, my mom worked for a company similar to Avon that sold sex toys and lubricants. One day my mom had to take my sister and me to one of the “parties” she was throwing at a woman’s house. We got bored pretty quickly and started walking around the house while Mom explained what gadgets and products were for sale. I stood in the doorway of the party room, waiting for my mom to turn around so I could ask if I could have some Rotel sauce. I was probably 6-7 years old. One of the women saw me and widened her eyes. My mom asked what happened and she pointed at me. My mom turned around, holding a meter long double sided dildo, and screamed at me to leave.

5. An elderly man came in who wanted to experiment with sex toys, since his and his wife’s sex life was practically at a standstill. I discussed options with him for a while and he seemed happy with the purchase, so that was the end of it. A week later, on my day off, an older woman came into the store to thank me because their sex life was now incredible. She even cried while talking to my colleagues because it really made such a difference.

6. I worked in a porn film and sex toy store for about a year. There were promotions for staff that offered high-end toys at a deep discount. And for big sales you get a bonus.

We all had different sales methods. I advertised one fancy vibrator. It was in a package lying at the counter with a note: “Replacement men’s accessory.”

An elderly man came into the store to rent a bunch of toys. Yes, this was possible before. He looked at the note, took out a toy, turned it over in his hands, and then said: “Well, damn it, it doesn’t mow the grass.”

I don't know what he expected to see in our store.

7. A guy came in and paid to rent one of the booths. These booths were located at the back of the store, through the doorway. Then a couple came in. They walked around, looked at different things, talked, and so on. They were near the door leading to the booths when the guy in the booth had an orgasm and screamed so loudly that the man jumped and the girl screamed and fell to the floor. Then she got up and quickly left. I saw a wet spot spreading on the front of her jeans. The guy came so loudly that the girl wet herself in horror.

8. One evening I was working with my friend in a sex shop, and suddenly I heard him talking to someone with a familiar voice. I tried to remember who the voice belonged to, but all I remembered was the person who had influence over me. I immediately hid, thinking that it might be my father, whom I had not seen for many years, but it was not him. It was my former math teacher. Our eyes met, my stomach sank, and he turned pale and ran to hell.

9. On weekends we worked until midnight, and about 15 minutes before closing, an ordinary-looking woman in a tracksuit came in. She was holding a leash, at the end of which sat a man in a diaper. What shocked me the most was that this guy was wearing sandals with socks. I told the couple they needed to leave because pants were required for shopping. The man turned red (I think humiliation is his thing), the woman grinned, and they left.

10. I worked in several sex toy stores. One day a 19-year-old guy came in with his girlfriend and immediately behaved rudely. After every answer I gave, he made rude remarks. Finally, he asked what they should do to spice up their intimate life. I took him to the dildos and told him he should have sex. Unfortunately, they didn't buy a dildo that night.

11. This is the story of my girlfriend. A customer came in and said that she had never had an orgasm, and she was told that some women simply never have an orgasm. She didn't buy anything except condoms and left. Two days later she returned with her boyfriend. The guy was furious and shouted: “TELL HER SOME WOMEN JUST DON’T HAVE ORGASM!” In principle, they told her this the day before yesterday. He was throwing merchandise all over the store and talking about how his manhood was being insulted and that he was going to show everyone in the store how big he was. After he finally left, he urinated on my girlfriend's car.

12. An elderly man of about eighty came to us and bought an inflatable doll. He took it out of the box to look at it, and then simply shoved it back so that the parts stuck out at the top. We asked if he wanted the package, he said no, paid and left. We then watched as he placed the doll on the front of his handicapped scooter for everyone to see and rode off, happy and with a big smile on his face.