1. I was at a student party with a friend, and there was a cute German student I was flirting with. We started having sex by the pool table when the party quieted down a bit, and suddenly, without warning, he lifted my arm and LICKED. MY. ARMPIT.

2. I met up with a guy late at night. I was incredibly tired, and when things started, I began to fall asleep. I wanted to finish quickly and go home, so I tried to give him oral sex. And, to make matters worse, he couldn't finish from that.

So, after at least 10 minutes of unsuccessful attempts, I fell asleep with his penis in my mouth. A few moments later, he nudged me to try again. I just laughed and went home.

3. I was having sex with this guy, and during intercourse, I decided I didn't like it anymore, so we went to sleep. Later, I woke up to him throwing up on me. I got up and said, «You need to leave.» I desperately wanted to take a shower, but I didn't want him to join me, so I sat and waited, covered in vomit, until he left.

In the end, he cost me $70 for laundry because my dresser drawers were open, and everything in them got soiled. And I also got a yeast infection, and I'm pretty sure that sitting in his vomit for about 30 minutes played a role in that too.

4. I went dancing with a couple of friends, got really drunk, and ended up going home with some stranger. We got into bed, and while I was giving him oral sex, I felt his sharp, untrimmed toenails scratching my vagina. He was literally «touching» me with his toes while I was giving him oral sex! I was horrified. In the end, I climbed back on top of him, quickly gave him oral sex, and waited for him to fall asleep so I could leave. I bled from my vagina for several days, and it even hurt because his toenails were scratching my insides.

5. One time I went on a date with a guy. We both got pretty drunk, and I took him back to my place. Needless to say, he couldn't «perform,» but he decided he should still pleasure me, after which he started messing around with my crotch, but quickly passed out. The longest night of my life.

6. After quick sex in a club bathroom, I went home with a stranger. He took me to his bedroom, turned off the lights, and we started having sex again.

A few minutes later he says, «Shhh, get back in bed.» Confused, I turned around and saw HIS YOUNGER SISTER sitting on a bunk bed at the other end of the room with a flashlight in her hand. She was watching her brother have sex with me. Damn it.

7. I met this guy at a party, and we both drank too much. Then we went back to my place and started hooking up. Soon I found out he was a virgin.

I gave him oral sex, and I immediately had a gag reflex. I threw up right on him, to which he asked, «Did I finish or was that vomit?» I ended the night crying naked on the bathroom floor. I think we both got psychologically traumatized by that encounter.

8. Once I was getting oral sex, but my girlfriend didn't know she had lice. The next day they appeared on my pubic hair, and I initially panicked because I thought I had pubic lice.

9. I went to the store and bought a bag of prunes because I was a little constipated, and I started eating them absentmindedly. After eating half a kilo of prunes, I met a cute guy for drinks. After the third glass, my stomach started rumbling, but I wasn't going to let a few farts ruin the date. He drove me back to his place, and we started having sex. Mind you, I had eaten half a kilo of prunes and was holding back several HUGE FARTS. Finally, I asked him to take me home.

The story doesn't end there, because after getting home and spending an hour in agony on the toilet, I went to the store in my cute white sweatpants. There, right in the wine aisle, while I was holding a huge bottle of red wine, my intestines decided to release everything that had accumulated. I tripped on my way to the toilet, fell, dropped and broke the bottle, and pooped myself right in the middle of the store. In white sweatpants.

10. I was making out with a colleague I barely knew at a company Christmas party. We went back to his place and had pretty good sex in the living room until his ex-girlfriend, who he still lived with (he «forgot» to mention that), slammed the door and started screaming furiously.

Oops. The guy went outside to calm her down, and I quickly got dressed and somehow slipped out unnoticed. A few weeks later, he asked me to deny our encounter in case she messaged me, because they had gotten back together. Oh my god.

11. I was drunk on vacation and slept with one of my friends. Afterwards, he drunkenly stumbled back to his bedroom. I looked at the sheets, and they were COVERED in blood. I MEAN, EVERYWHERE.

I wasn't supposed to be on my period, but Mother Nature had other plans. Then I had to forcibly drag him out of bed and make him take a shower because most of his stomach was covered in blood. Needless to say, that was the only time I had intimate relations with him.

12. I met a guy, and when I was giving him oral sex, his foreskin wouldn't retract past the tip, and he smelled of stale urine. I was studying penis anatomy in university at the time and essentially diagnosed him with phimosis.

He lay on my bed in complete shock, and I, half-naked in my underwear, acted like his therapist for about an hour (awkward). A month later, he messaged me saying he'd had a circumcision and asked if I wanted to see the results!

13. I met a guy online. I was on all fours, he entered me from behind, then immediately got up, walked around, picking up various things from the floor. I asked what was wrong, and he replied, «Well, I'm a little drunk, probably in the morning.»

I got up to get dressed and stepped in a huge puddle of semen. He came literally in one go and then tried to hide it.

14. I went on a date with a guy from Tinder and decided to go back to his place. We were lying in bed completely naked, getting aroused, and he pulled away from the kiss and asked, «Can I pee on your breasts?»

I stared at him for a full 10 seconds before asking if he was serious. He said he was. I've never gotten dressed so fast in my life. Needless to say, I never spoke to him again, even after he messaged me apologizing for his bluntness.

15. I was dating a guy once, and after I gave him oral sex, he hid in the bathroom and prayed for about ten minutes. When he finally came out of the bathroom, he pushed me out the door. A year later, he apologized to me for his «strange behavior.»

16. This was our third date, and I had been holding back for a long time despite our mutual attraction, so we ended up doing it in the back seat of his car. He put a condom on his rather small penis (that wasn't a problem) and finished in about three minutes (a little awkward). After that, we hardly talked, and he dropped me off at my house.

The next day I discovered that the condom was still inside me!!! How could he not have said that he couldn't find it?! Why did he use Magnum condoms on his tiny penis?! We never spoke again.

17. As things heated up, I felt like I needed a tissue. I tried sniffing a few times, but the runny nose wouldn't stop, so I finally pulled away to get a tissue and discovered that his shirt, face, and my bed were COVERED in blood. From my nose.

I had a nosebleed, right onto his face. Apparently, I didn't look much better, because he looked at me, panicked, and ran into my bathroom, then came out and asked, «So, is there anything I should know?»