«Yaaaaaay di white man »

1. A woman came in and spent about 10 minutes talking about how she bought cinnamon-flavored lubricant, and now she’s complaining that she smeared it on her ass during anal sex, which is why her anus “inflamed.” She wanted me to pay her $500 for pain and suffering. She even found it necessary to lift her skirt, take off her panties and show me her burning ass. I told her to come back when the owner was there and show him everything. She whined that she couldn't even sit down.

2. We had video viewing rooms in the store with a $20 deposit. Don't cum on the floor or pee in the trash can and you'll get your deposit back.

I thought it was strange that we even had a rule about peeing. But then I had to tell one guy that he wouldn't get his deposit back because he pissed all over the place.

3. My sister used to work in a pretty decent sex shop. Nurses from a nearby hospital often came there, so she constantly had to listen to salacious stories about patients admitted to the emergency department.

My favorite story is about a woman who wanted to try anal sex, but her boyfriend was against it. She decided to try it herself and impaled her ass on the doorknob without removing the knob from the door. Yes, you read that right, that's right. Now imagine a doorknob and think very carefully about the role of the sphincter. She got stuck and called the firefighters, who arrived, and they had to saw the door so that the woman could be taken to the hospital to remove the handle. She was apparently wheeled into the emergency room on a stretcher, belly down, with part of the door sticking out of her butt. After administering muscle relaxants and lubrication, she was pulled out of there.

4. When I was younger, my mom worked for a company similar to Avon that sold sex toys and lubricants. One day my mom had to take my sister and me to one of the “parties” she was throwing at a woman’s house. We got bored pretty quickly and started walking around the house while Mom explained what gadgets and products were for sale. I stood in the doorway of the party room, waiting for my mom to turn around so I could ask if I could have some Rotel sauce. I was probably 6-7 years old. One of the women saw me and widened her eyes. My mom asked what happened and she pointed at me. My mom turned around, holding a meter long double sided dildo, and screamed at me to leave.

5. An elderly man came in who wanted to experiment with sex toys, since his and his wife’s sex life was practically at a standstill. I discussed options with him for a while and he seemed happy with the purchase, so that was the end of it. A week later, on my day off, an older woman came into the store to thank me because their sex life was now incredible. She even cried while talking to my colleagues because it really made such a difference.

6. I worked in a porn film and sex toy store for about a year. There were promotions for staff that offered high-end toys at a deep discount. And for big sales you get a bonus.

We all had different sales methods. I advertised one fancy vibrator. It was in a package lying at the counter with a note: “Replacement men’s accessory.”

An elderly man came into the store to rent a bunch of toys. Yes, this was possible before. He looked at the note, took out a toy, turned it over in his hands, and then said: “Well, damn it, it doesn’t mow the grass.”

I don't know what he expected to see in our store.

7. A guy came in and paid to rent one of the booths. These booths were located at the back of the store, through the doorway. Then a couple came in. They walked around, looked at different things, talked, and so on. They were near the door leading to the booths when the guy in the booth had an orgasm and screamed so loudly that the man jumped and the girl screamed and fell to the floor. Then she got up and quickly left. I saw a wet spot spreading on the front of her jeans. The guy came so loudly that the girl wet herself in horror.

8. One evening I was working with my friend in a sex shop, and suddenly I heard him talking to someone with a familiar voice. I tried to remember who the voice belonged to, but all I remembered was the person who had influence over me. I immediately hid, thinking that it might be my father, whom I had not seen for many years, but it was not him. It was my former math teacher. Our eyes met, my stomach sank, and he turned pale and ran to hell.

9. On weekends we worked until midnight, and about 15 minutes before closing, an ordinary-looking woman in a tracksuit came in. She was holding a leash, at the end of which sat a man in a diaper. What shocked me the most was that this guy was wearing sandals with socks. I told the couple they needed to leave because pants were required for shopping. The man turned red (I think humiliation is his thing), the woman grinned, and they left.

10. I worked in several sex toy stores. One day a 19-year-old guy came in with his girlfriend and immediately behaved rudely. After every answer I gave, he made rude remarks. Finally, he asked what they should do to spice up their intimate life. I took him to the dildos and told him he should have sex. Unfortunately, they didn't buy a dildo that night.

11. This is the story of my girlfriend. A customer came in and said that she had never had an orgasm, and she was told that some women simply never have an orgasm. She didn't buy anything except condoms and left. Two days later she returned with her boyfriend. The guy was furious and shouted: “TELL HER SOME WOMEN JUST DON’T HAVE ORGASM!” In principle, they told her this the day before yesterday. He was throwing merchandise all over the store and talking about how his manhood was being insulted and that he was going to show everyone in the store how big he was. After he finally left, he urinated on my girlfriend's car.

12. An elderly man of about eighty came to us and bought an inflatable doll. He took it out of the box to look at it, and then simply shoved it back so that the parts stuck out at the top. We asked if he wanted the package, he said no, paid and left. We then watched as he placed the doll on the front of his handicapped scooter for everyone to see and rode off, happy and with a big smile on his face.

I live with a guy. It’s night, he’s sleeping, and my back hurts like hell. Well, I think we need to stretch it out. I bent over and stood on the bridge pose — it didn’t help. I decided to walk around in that pose and left the room. Then I come in again, and at that moment my boyfriend wakes up. I have never heard such yelling from him. Imagine: you wake up in the middle of the night, no one is around, and something comes out of the kitchen in a bridge pose and groans :) He calls me a witch and is afraid that I might walk on the walls like that.

I am a dentist in a children's clinic. I can’t stand children, despite the fact that I recently became a mother myself. During the appointment, I catch myself thinking that I want to hurt especially capricious and spoiled children. Raise your children, friends!

And in the 15th year of my continuous driving experience, my husband continued to teach me how to drive. He sits drunk in the passenger seat and pesters: wrong row, hatch, distance, turn, too fast, too slow. Got it! Once again, I silently stopped near the traffic cop and said: “The rules say that the passenger has no right to distract the driver. This passenger is so distracting that we almost had an accident!” — which is true. A traffic cop dropped off a drunken husband. And I left. Returned home quiet.

My husband started a new job six months ago. Everything seemed to be fine. On the contrary: considering that this is a new direction in which he was retrained, he is completely enthusiastic. And he became more active in relationships, or something. But somehow I felt uneasy inside. In general, I got into his phone. I found nothing: no correspondence, no new contacts, no sites in the browser history — nothing at all. I scolded myself. But the anxiety did not go away. And I was drawn to look at the gallery. And there are a bunch of photos of his colleague. And he took these photos furtively, because in them she is not posing, but doing some kind of work, eating, talking on the phone. The girl is young, under 30 years old. And I am both disgusted and scared by this hobby of his. Looks like a maniac from a movie. And I don’t understand how to feel about this. It seems like they definitely have nothing, and, probably, this hobby will pass. But in my heart it’s sad and offensive that this is happening at all. There is no crime as such, so I can’t share it with anyone, so as not to inflate it into a scandal or, conversely, to not be ridiculed.

My mother-in-law went on vacation to see the world. The vacation was very long, and her neighbors called my husband. They say the smell from the apartment is unbearable. The husband opened the door — and there were five corpses of kittens. Before her vacation, she locked her pregnant cat in her apartment, leaving her food in the refrigerator. The entire refrigerator was rotten, the cat gave birth, she got out through the window, but the kittens couldn’t. I am amazed at the stupidity and cruelty.

A friend's daughter got sick. To bring down the temperature, children are rubbed with vodka, but the father of the family did not drink, and the only alcohol at home was a gift bottle of Chinese vodka with a snake. When they began to rub the child, a terrible cadaverous smell came from the liquid. The mother got scared and started screaming for her husband to “throw out this dead thing,” and the girl began to cry a lot: “Don’t, mommy, maybe I’ll still survive.” When they laughed it off, I had to explain for a long, long time that they love her and will never throw her away :D

I'm 33, and I just now realized what I want to be when I grow up. A prostitute! I read a lot and watched films about girls in this profession and realized that I wanted that too. Money pays for normal, regular and interesting sex, which does not get boring, as in the case of marriage or a long relationship with one man. This work is an eternal holiday, different acquaintances, a lot of communication. You can be a little drunk, and no one will say anything about it or dismiss you, like at a regular job. And in our time, such girls are treated normally, they even have a chance of getting married. In short, now I’m thinking about how to get into this business.

Back in school, my best friend and I became interested in the idea of ​​equality and feminism. We studied a lot, joined groups on social networks, argued fiercely and fought for women’s rights. Recently a friend got married. We are students, he is a young teacher. And every day at the university I see how he uses it. “Dear, will you go get me some coffee, I have a lot of work?”, “Honey, prepare my favorite soup for dinner,” “I have a conference tomorrow, will you prepare my suit?” It seemed kind, but in reality he made her a servant. Love is evil...

There was a case in our village. A lonely elderly woman climbed into an empty cellar — to heat it, smoke it from mold and bugs, before storing the crops for the winter. The cellar was deep, the stairs were iron, welded from two ladders. She climbed down, put the barrel down, lit the firewood in it, and quickly climbed up so as not to inhale the smoke, but in her haste she stumbled and fell down. She broke her leg and couldn’t get out on her own. Only a day later her neighbors found her. Let's go find out why the cow is screaming as if she hasn't been fed, and the woman is nowhere to be found. Everyone looked around — no. They found her in the cellar, all smoked and black.

I have always loved sex at noisy parties. When you, drunk, go with an unfamiliar guy to the toilet or another room, undress, kiss and caress him, and he caresses you. Afterwards, he fucks you to the music playing in the common room, squeezes your breasts, hits your ass and calls you a bitch, and you can let yourself scream at the top of your lungs from orgasm, knowing that no one will hear you except him. For me these are unforgettable moments, they give me joy and nostalgia when I remember them. I love non-standard sex.

I decided to become a cuckold to entertain my wife. I found her a man and sat down in the corner to watch. In the process, I realized: she was not pretending, she was simply disgusted with me. Now they sleep in our bed, and I moved into the kitchen. I can’t kick her out — the apartment is hers, but I still love her just as much. Yesterday I brought them breakfast in bed, she didn’t even say thank you, she just laughed at my apron. I’ve become a stranger in my home, I’m disgusted with myself, but I don’t have the strength to leave.

At 33 years old, I finally experienced my first orgasm! Yes, yes, that’s how it happens (I’m so retarded). I bought a vacuum stimulator and just flew into space with it — for the first time in my life! But after that, my clitoris became so sensitive that now I constantly experience arousal from any simple actions, such as, for example, rubbing panties or clothes while walking… I don’t know yet how to manage my new sensations. This is very strange and unusual for me, since I have never experienced anything like this before.

My girl is obsessed with the topic of desecration. At first she asked me to just spit in my face — I still got over that. But now the extreme cruelty has begun. She demands that at the peak I make myself vomit directly on her. She also forces her to do this in a pile of garbage that she has been accumulating for a week in the corner of the bedroom for a “garbage dump atmosphere.” She says that this is the only way she feels alive and dirty. The smell in the room is such that it really makes me sick. I love her, but it seems that I will soon simply die from some kind of infection.

Other Trash Stories

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for four years, and today I found out that his birthday isn't actually May 15th—it’s November 11th. It turns out he’d been hiding this the entire time because, when we first met, HE KNEW I WOULD NEVER DATE A SCORPIO, SO HE LIED HIS ASS OFF AND TOLD ME HE WAS A TAURUS.

1. Medical students practiced on me, performing genital and rectal exams. I literally just sat there in a medical gown, waiting for the next student to come in.

2. I worked at a tannery, sorting kangaroo scrotums by size—some were destined to become animal feed, while others were turned into coin purses sold to tourists. Kangaroo scrotums smell absolutely foul, and they’re also crawling with ticks.

3. I prepared larvae. I worked for a company that produced natural pest control products and natural animal feed. My job involved preparing larvae for use in natural bird feed. Actually, it was one of my favorite positions at that company.

4. Once, I had to clean up poop smeared all over the men's restroom at the grocery store where I worked when I was 16.

The manager didn't give me any protective gear; he just bluntly said, «You're the only guy on shift today besides me, and *I'm* certainly not going to clean it up.»

5. I rated photos of guys' penises. It started out as a joke, but then guys started sending me $20 apiece to get their photos rated. I evaluated them based on a whole host of criteria and provided feedback. It was incredibly fun, though at a certain point, people started sending me some truly bizarre specimens.

6. Five days a week, I cleaned up vomit in a movie theater restroom. Thanks to the people who do this kind of work, public restrooms don't reek. The workers who perform these duties are severely underappreciated.

7. Once, at a music festival, I got drunk and reached into a urinal. Some rich jerk tossed two separate $100 bills in there just to see who would pick them up. He had no idea that I would have done the exact same thing even if they were $20 bills.

8. Once, at a casino, I found a $500 chip in a urinal. I fished it out with my hotel room key, dropped it into the sink, lathered it up and washed it off, and then went and cashed it in. At first, I thought I was being filmed by a hidden camera.

9. This happened in 2020, right before the pandemic hit. I answered a cleaning ad on Craigslist and went to an elderly man's house. He made me lick every single doorknob in his home, but despite that, I walked away with $3,000. That money really saved me.

10. I used to work in a call center—it was the most humiliating job of my life. I saw firsthand the kind of stress people endure working in call centers. They pay like shit, yet they make you work like a dog.

The only upside to my time at the call center was that it taught me to put more effort into my job search. And that effort certainly paid off.

11. I got paid to bang a sex worker right in front of her disabled client, who enjoyed watching it. After a two-hour session, I’d walk away with $200 in my pocket. I did this once a month for a year. It was 1996, and I was in college, so that was really good money for me.

12. I participated in a study for a lotion designed to make breasts bigger. No joke. For two months, I had to rub this lotion on twice a day, and then go to a clinic once a week so someone could give my breasts a full analysis—not just size, but also the distance between the nipples, the distance from the chin to the nipple, and their circumference. It was so awkward. And you know what? In the end, they told me it was all a placebo. Still, I made $500 and paid my rent. That was back in 2002.

13. Just yesterday, I was clearing out some guy's sewer line and pulled out 150 condoms. At least the dude is playing it safe.

14. My boyfriend—he was 15 at the time—met this creepy old guy. The guy offered him £100 to get into his car and do something dirty. In the end, my boyfriend took the cash and bailed before the guy could do anything. He met up with me and asked me out on a date. We spent our first date using money stolen from an old pervert. That was years ago, and we’re still together.

15. It was my first day working for a moving company in Boston. I was driving under a bridge when, at that exact moment, a guy decided to jump off it and kill himself. I was driving at about 70 miles per hour. He landed right on the front of my truck. I was 18 at the time. That incident still haunts me to this day, even though 20 years have passed.

16. I’m a nurse, so I’ve had to clean up shit, urine, vomit, and other bodily fluids. I’ve been punched in the face, kicked, and verbally abused. I’ve also provided post-mortem care and medical treatment to some truly terrible people—because that’s part of my job. For instance, my patients have included rapists, violent offenders, and so on. People have spat on me, defecated and urinated on me, coughed in my face on purpose, and so on. I do not recommend it.

17. I’ve cleaned up the scenes of suicides. It’s just part of my job. The worst thing about those situations is the smell. In those moments, I just tell myself that I’m getting paid double time because of the nature of the work, and I just keep doing my job.

18. I sold my body to the government and enlisted in the military. Later, I realized that the knee and back pain—along with the anxiety and depression—definitely weren't worth it.

19. I participated in clinical drug trials—partly because I actually needed the medication myself—but I’ll never do it again. Depending on the study, they might provide you with housing—sometimes even a two-story house—and food, usually decent takeout. I have no idea how that particular study affected my body in the long run, but they paid me enough to buy a plane ticket home.

20. When we were kids, my brother told me he’d give me 10 bucks if I downed a shot glass full of soy sauce. 10 out of 10—do not recommend.

21. I worked as a cleaner at a 24-hour truck stop. Never again in my life. Several times a day, I’d suit up in protective gear and a mask, grab a high-pressure hot water hose, and get to work. I will never understand why people love writing messages on public restroom walls using their own feces.

22. I’m a nurse. Here are just a few examples of what I’ve experienced on the job: Cleaning up diarrhea when my glove tore open; having amniotic fluid splash all over my shoes; and emptying a bile drain, only to spill the contents and completely soil my clothes.

A guy with a bowel obstruction started vomiting—and at that moment, his vomit consisted entirely of fecal matter. The puke came gushing out in every direction and somehow even splattered onto the door at the other end of the room. I’ve had to clean up flakes of sloughed-off skin from a patient’s scrotum—a patient who kept peeling dead skin off his penis and placing the pieces on his bedside table.

23. I worked as an EMT for seven and a half dollars an hour. I had to get into physical altercations with junkies, drunks, and people with mental illnesses. We worked shifts lasting anywhere from 48 to 96 hours with almost no sleep. I will never work in EMS again. Far too many people seem to think it’s perfectly acceptable to assault healthcare workers. Just so you know: we’ll kick your ass first, and then we’ll sue you. Yes, we have the right to defend ourselves—even if you’re dying. And we are under no obligation to help you if you sustain even more injuries because you made the stupid decision to attack us.

24. Have you ever wondered where cheap, mass-produced eggs come from? They come from factories. And those factories have to be cleaned every single day. Even considering that we clean the place every single day, it’s impossible to keep up with cleaning absolutely everything. And do you know what happens when broken eggs seep into the floorboards day after day, mixing with water? Well, I do. And I can also tell you exactly what kind of stench fills the air.

25. This happened in the army, during a deployment to Iraq. My buddies all chipped in and pooled together $200 to get me to eat an old, sticky fly strip. I was allowed to wash it down with water. But to win the bet, I had to go at least an hour without puking. I lasted an hour and two minutes. The hardest part about eating it was the incredibly sticky adhesive on the strip—it made actually consuming the thing insanely difficult. I rolled it into small, swallowable balls and washed them down with copious amounts of water. Thanks to this stunt—and other stupid things I did for cash—I didn't have to spend a single dime of my actual paycheck throughout the entire deployment.

26. I used to translate love letters of a rather intimate nature. One woman, who was cheating on her husband, was corresponding with her lover in France. This was back in 1999, before the internet had really caught on—at least in our country. They exchanged letters via regular postal mail.

As far as I could gather, the lady had lived in France for a while. That’s where she met her suitor and started up an affair with him. She had a basic grasp of French, but she still needed some assistance. You know how it goes: people can often converse quite comfortably in a foreign language, but the prospect of tackling a lengthy written text completely intimidates them. At the time, I was around twenty years old, while my client was in her forties. So, you can probably imagine just how cringeworthy the whole situation was. Sometimes she would bring in a letter and ask me to read it aloud to her, translating it on the fly.

As for the juicy details, I barely remember any of them. Mostly, it went something like this: «Remember when we did such-and-such? All I dream about is doing it all over again.» All in all, the whole thing felt just like that song Dylan wrote for Haley in the TV show *Modern Family*—only in French.

27. It was winter, and I was picking up various temporary odd jobs. One day, I got called in to help a crew of excavators locate a damaged sewer line.

The sewer pipes in this part of town—Orangeburg, South Carolina—were over a hundred years old, and most of them were made of wood. One of the sections had collapsed, creating a small sinkhole that subsequently clogged up and filled with semi-frozen sewage sludge. Because of the pipes' age, there were no existing blueprints for the sewer system. So, while a heavy-equipment operator handled the digging, someone had to climb down into the sinkhole and probe around with a shovel. Guess who got sent in to wade through the muck?

A septic truck arrived on the scene and tried to pump out the wastewater, but it could barely keep up with the inflow. When you’re a guy working temp jobs, you face intense pressure—even if it’s not applied directly. You’re essentially forced to take on whatever work comes your way. And if you turn down too many jobs, the boss simply stops calling you, and you’re left without any money. So, I agreed to do it. I’d been warned about the conditions beforehand, so I layered up with several layers of clothing, then stepped into a pair of garbage bags—pulling them up past my crotch—and wrapped them tight with duct tape to keep from getting filthy.

In the end, I spent only about 20—maybe 25—minutes down in that hole. But that was long enough to catch hypothermia. The tape didn't hold up very well, and at one point, I sank even deeper—right up to my waist. Two guys had to help me climb out. At three in the morning, standing on the side of the road—soaking wet and in minus 25-degree weather—I stripped down to my underwear, stuffed my shit-stained clothes into a garbage bag, and slowly made my way home. For the next three days, I couldn't seem to get warm.

Well, let's put it this way: if you have to win a girl over, take her by storm, she's a prize. I once knew a man who loved to win prize woman over, and that was it. The problem was, once he'd won her over and slept with her, he lost interest. There was no thrill. That's why relationships never lasted more than a couple of months. If you're a prize, be prepared for a man to want to «win» a few more «trophies» after you.