That ass tho...

The story began in 1987 in a small town. Even as a little boy, everything was a struggle for Daniel. School was difficult; he had extreme problems focusing, leading to bad grades. Gym class was the worst, as he lacked any natural physical abilities.

But Daniel was determined to succeed in life. He overcame all his difficulties through hard work, studying three times as hard as the other kids and training outside of school.

By his late 30s, his difficult life had shaped him into someone who never gave up, someone who fought to overcome anything life threw at him. His engineering career was a success, with a high-paying job working on projects anyone could only dream of.

Daniel could overcome anything he set his mind to—a true testament to his talent and will.

So when Daniel was diagnosed with cancer, he didn’t give up. He fought that battle for five years, determined to beat it for his wife and three adopted children.

He had overcome dyslexia, social anxiety, and a near-fatal accident in his youth. He was a survivor. He told everyone he would survive. He believed in himself. Anything was possible with his mindset.

But Daniel died. Cancer won, and he didn’t. Leaving his wife and three adopted children behind. Leaving all of his wealth to his thick thighs Latina nurse, Gloria...

©Mad

1. Beats headphones have special weights that make them heavier to look more solid. This creates the illusion of quality and durability. You pick it up and think, «Build well.»

2. I install acoustic and video systems of large size and power in stadiums and concert venues. The customer's specialists work with us. So, when one of them asks for the hundredth time to climb to a 30-meter height and change the angle of the speaker by a degree, then turn it on, I climb up there on the boom of the crane, take out the key for show and supposedly do something with it, although in fact nothing. After about 5 minutes, I say on the radio that it's ready, and turn on the sound. I hear the answer that it's much better now, it should have been done that way from the very beginning.

3. When my cat wants fresh food, but his bowl is full of food, I take the old food out of the bowl, put it on a plate, then I call the cat and put it from the plate into the bowl in front of his eyes. He starts eating like I just opened a fresh bag.

4. I work as a sysadmin in a large company. I noticed that when you change the monitor to a new one, it seems to people that the computer has started working faster.

5. Vacuum cleaner manufacturers specifically adjust the sound of its operation to make it seem like it is a very powerful unit. They probably watched how the exhaust of cars is tuned. I don't know who set up the sound of my vacuum cleaner, but it screams like a Boeing on takeoff.

6. Some applications have a very long download period. This is done on purpose so that you think that the application is very complex and heavy, so it takes a long time to load. It's the same with some computer games.

7. I talked to a man who developed the first ATMs back in the 60s of the last century. He said that the first models dispensed money very quickly, and people doubted whether the ATM had calculated everything correctly. Then the engineers tweaked something, and the ATM became more thoughtful. In fact, your amount has been calculated for a long time, but you hear some sounds and are sure that the ATM is working hard to do everything right. And this theme is still used today.

8. Now almost all toothpastes are mint, because mint is associated with purity and freshness in humans. Mint was added to boost sales, and it worked.

9. When the cake mixes first appeared, it was enough to add water and mix everything. But, no. Housewives found it too easy, and the mixtures were not in demand. Then their manufacturers decided to complicate the process by adding one stage. Now you need to break the eggs into the dry mixture. And that was enough to make sales skyrocket.

10. I work as a freelancer. If I hand over the order on the same day, the customer will decide that I hardly worked for the money. But I don't give you any reason to doubt. I hand in the work in 3-4 days, and the client thinks I've been poring over his order all this time, even though it actually took me a few hours.

11. Many people consider free shipping to be the best way to purchase something. In fact, the shipping cost is already included in the product price, but it seems to us that free shipping is better.

12. When I worked as a waitress, I was often asked by customers to turn up or down the air conditioner. I told them that I would go and do everything as they asked. I didn't really do anything, and then I came up and asked: «Is that okay?» It always worked.

13. The sound of car doors closing is currently being designed by engineers. It has long been possible to make the door close noiselessly at all, but people do not believe that it has closed. That's why we need sound. Research has been conducted on which sound gives a person the greatest confidence that the door is closed. They found out what that sound was, and now most cars close with that sound. Yes, I almost forgot, there are several sound options for different models.

14. I was engaged in training technical support specialists of a company selling mobile phones. The operators complained that it was difficult to convince a person to reboot the phone, although it helps in 90% of cases. I came up with this. Now the operator says that you need to read the numbers on the back of the battery (then they were removable). The person simply had to turn off the phone to get the battery, and then turn it on. If someone called again and called these numbers, the operator would tell them that the company had updated the system, and now everything should be working. Now many people have non-removable batteries, and we tell them that we will now launch a system update, but the process may damage the SIM card, so you need to turn off the phone and turn it on again in 5 minutes.

15. Marketers have noticed that if you can't skip ads in a video, it's terribly annoying. Then they made the advertisement longer, and provided for the possibility to turn it off after a certain time. It became less annoying. That's right. 10 seconds of ads that can't be missed is a silent horror, and a minute of ads that can be turned off after 15 seconds is fine.

16. Our restaurant's menu says that if you want the chef to cook the dish himself, it will cost an additional $30. And every day there were people who ordered dishes from the chef. In fact, we brought them the most ordinary dishes made by our chefs. Many visitors praised the chef's dishes and said that they tasted better than usual.

17. At the gas station where I work, there is a tire pump. They came up with this stuff. The air is supplied through three hoses, and in fact, ordinary air is blowing from each hose. So, connected to the same air compressor. The sign «Air, free» was hung on the first hose, «Nitrogen, 50 cents» on the second, and «Nitrogen + Vibranium, dollar» on the third. And what do you think? During my 12-hour shift, there are at least 10 people who uses paid pumps.

I have an acquaintance—let's call him Sergey. He’s a welder par excellence. When it comes to metal and welding, he’s the go-to guy. He’ll tell you, explain it, and show you how it’s done.

We were standing outside, smoking and chatting about random things, when a guy who shared his workshop bay walked up to us. He was carrying a small metal ingot.

«Hey, Sergey. Listen, do you think this is 55-grade steel or 45-grade?»

«Just give it a lick.»

«What do you mean, 'give it a lick'?»

«I mean, just lick it. Like this—with your tongue.»

The guy, never taking his eyes off Sergey, carefully gave it a lick with the tip of his tongue.

Sergey: «So?»

«Fuck if I know.»

«Fuck if I know, too.»