Briefing.

This little story happened years ago, before the “Five Guys” restaurant chain was popular. They were just starting out and hadn’t expanded to every state or city yet.

I was living in Michigan at the time, where there were no Five Guys, so I had never even heard of them. Around that time, I relocated to Ohio for a construction job and was staying at a hotel. Every morning, I’d come home from work and see a very nice-looking receptionist. It didn’t take long before I asked for her phone number, and she agreed.

Long story short, we began texting and what not. After a while of talking, she suddenly texted me: “Have you tried five guys?”

Imagine the shock I was in. I was stunned. Keep in mind, I had never heard of that restaurant. A few things ran through my brain:Why would she ask that? How did I come across as a gay guy? Why five guys?  At the same time? Why not one guy? And if she does think I’m gay, am I so obviously gay that she assumes I’ve tried five guys?It was a very confusing text.

As it turns out, she just wanted to bring me food from there. But the shock of that moment is something I will remember forever.

I'm already at the age where when I see that a person is acting illogically and defying common sense, I just say «OK» and move on. In any situation.

Without advice, criticism, or the «Rescuer» syndrome.

It beautiful

Have you ever wondered why teenage mutant ninja turtles wear masks over their eyes? It's just that there's no point in hiding your face if you're a big green turtle with nunchucks standing on two legs. It's unlikely that anyone will look at you and say, «Oh, that's either Donatello, or my classmate.» I hate all these superhero movies because they're always based on the same script. For example, have you noticed that a superhero and a supervillain appear in the same city? There is no such thing as a superhero appearing in New York, and a supervillain in Tolyatti. And they're just talk on a phone for half a movie.

They call up: «They don't give me a visa, bitch, send me an invitation.»

The story began in 1987 in a small town. Even as a little boy, everything was a struggle for Daniel. School was difficult; he had extreme problems focusing, leading to bad grades. Gym class was the worst, as he lacked any natural physical abilities.

But Daniel was determined to succeed in life. He overcame all his difficulties through hard work, studying three times as hard as the other kids and training outside of school.

By his late 30s, his difficult life had shaped him into someone who never gave up, someone who fought to overcome anything life threw at him. His engineering career was a success, with a high-paying job working on projects anyone could only dream of.

Daniel could overcome anything he set his mind to—a true testament to his talent and will.

So when Daniel was diagnosed with cancer, he didn’t give up. He fought that battle for five years, determined to beat it for his wife and three adopted children.

He had overcome dyslexia, social anxiety, and a near-fatal accident in his youth. He was a survivor. He told everyone he would survive. He believed in himself. Anything was possible with his mindset.

But Daniel died. Cancer won, and he didn’t. Leaving his wife and three adopted children behind. Leaving all of his wealth to his thick thighs Latina nurse, Gloria...

©Mad

This morning I woke up and almost screamed when saw my face in mirror. Had some kind of allergic reaction. Fucking literally looked like this. Still swollen a bit, but not as bad as it first was. Fuck...

The days when looking at the news or a video clip of someone being murdered or committing a mass murder and feeling shocked are over. Now, you just see it as, well, a normal phenomenon, and move on, like gas prices going up: “Oh well, that’s normal.”

Nothing special, just another casual day. You’re more surprised if no one dies that day. “Oh, that’s new,” you think. “Wonder what happened? Who’s slacking?”

The world needed a hero. An embassy, under siege. Hostages at risk. The pressure was on.

“We need the best,” the general barked. “Someone who can handle this.”

They looked at his file: Top scores in all combat situations. Unmatched tactical awareness. He’d broken every record. “The Shepherd,” they called him.

He was cocky, sure. Talked a big game. But the numbers didn’t lie. He’d aced every difficult task. They’d asked him, “Are you ready soldier?”

He’d smirked. “Born ready.”

The news cameras rolled as he approached the embassy. The Shepherd, our savior. He walked with confidence, a seasoned warrior.

He took a step.

A trip.

A gun shot.

He died.

They later found out, that The Shepherd spent his life in his basement mastering virtual reality games and shooting his digital gun.

©Mad