1. A friend of mine decided to try anal sex with her boyfriend. Her father walked into the room while they were in the middle of it. Her boyfriend pulled his penis out so quickly that she ended up shitting all over his stomach and chest. Apparently, the smell was so terrible that he actually threw up afterward. Her poor dad saw the whole thing.

2. I had an ex-boyfriend who loved sucking pimples off girls' bodies while simultaneously pleasuring himself.

3. I picked up a girl for a one-night stand. As soon as we finished, she called her mom and proudly announced that she had just lost her virginity.

4. My brother is ten years older than me. One day, for some reason, a friend and I ran into her mother's bedroom—and there we saw my brother. He jumped out of her bed, stark naked, while my friend's mom hid under the covers.

5. I sometimes suffer from jaw spasms. One time, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob—he has a rather large and thick penis—and my jaw started to ache. I thought, «Screw it!» and kept going, which turned out to be a huge mistake.

It got to the point where I couldn't open my mouth wide enough for him to pull his penis out, so I actually had to pry my jaws apart with my fingers. Ouch.

6. I was performing oral sex on my boyfriend in my dorm room. His muscles were all tense, and he was breathing heavily. He said he wouldn't be able to finish because he’d had too much to drink, so we both got dressed. That’s when I noticed some strange brown streaks on the sheets. He didn't say anything and left immediately.

That was when I realized why he had been acting so strangely: he was trying to hold back while I had his cock in my mouth. The next day, he had the audacity to lie and claim that he’d had a chocolate bar in his back pocket, and that it must have melted onto my bed.

7. This guy and I were friends with benefits, and one day we decided to get a little naughty. We decided to try anal sex, and I ended up getting poop on his cock. And that wasn't even the worst part. Because of that, he ended up with a urinary tract infection that lasted for several months. I still feel terrible about it, even though it happened years ago.

8. A friend and I figured out when her parents would be out of town and invited a guy from the water polo team to join us. Everything was going great until her mom came home early and caught us red-handed.

It turned out she was a sexologist (she even had her own radio show and everything), so she tried to sit the three of us down to talk about what we were «doing.» I hid under the covers and pretended that nothing was happening. And that’s how I lost my virginity.

9. My first threesome was amazing… right up until we finished. After our bedroom antics, I had an allergic reaction to their dog. My eyes swelled up, and I broke out in hives all over my body—just in time for a job interview the very next morning.

10. Back in college, my girlfriend and I decided to give anal sex a try. Everything went perfectly—except for the moment right after the orgasm, when a small amount of fecal matter ended up on my genitals.

We cleaned it up easily, and everything was fine; however, she took the incident completely out of context and told her friends that she had pooped on me. Her friends interpreted this as me having a poop fetish. I only found out about this two years later, so I had to explain to them that, actually, I don't like it when people poop on me.

11. The guy I was seeing came to town for work, but he had to share a hotel room with his colleagues. We went for a late-night swim and decided to duck into the poolside restroom to have sex.

We were going at it full-throttle in the restroom when a police officer peeked in through the door. It turned out the area was known for prostitution, and someone had called the police, mistaking me for a sex worker. We had to answer a barrage of questions just to prove that we actually knew each other.

12. I was in Australia, having sex on the beach with a British guy I’d met earlier that day. We were just about finished when a group of partygoers approached us. Instead of leaving us alone to finish the job, they stood about ten feet away—watching us scramble to get dressed—and blasted the song «I Just Had Sex» by The Lonely Island on their portable speaker. Suffice it to say, neither of us ended up finishing.

13. I was involved in a threesome with two guys who were friends. One of them insisted that I give him a blowjob while the other entered me from behind, lying on my back. Just as he was about to climax, he yanked my head down toward his crotch with such force that I started to choke and pulled away.

As a result, his entire load of cum sprayed directly onto his buddy’s face—and some of it even landed in his mouth. I’ll always wonder if their friendship survived that encounter.

14. A few years ago, I was seeing a guy from work and gave him a blowjob. He acted a bit strangely afterward, but I didn't think much of it at the time. A few days later, he asked me: «Do you remember what you had for lunch on the day you sucked me off?» I had no idea, but he said, «You ate chicken with cashews… I’m allergic to cashews.» Apparently, the blowjob made his dick swell up—it got puffy, itchy, red, and started peeling. Just like that.

1. I wanted to try giving her oral sex while she lay with her head hanging off the edge of the bed. It turned out that unless you’re 25 centimeters long, you just end up smacking her in the forehead with your balls over and over again.

2. I dated a girl who was really into roleplay. She wanted to be a «little girl» and have me be her «daddy.» I just couldn't handle it. It felt way too twisted to me. We were both already in our 30s at the time.

3. Sex against a wall. It’s incredibly uncomfortable, and you’re constantly terrified that the guy is going to drop you.

4. When I was 14, I stuck my dick into a filled pastry—and instantly regretted it. The filling was still hot.

5. Turns out you need to close your eyes before letting a guy cum on your face...

6. I once tried peeing on my wife—with her consent, of course. I’m pretty sure we both regretted it immediately. It wasn't exactly *terrible*, but as soon as it started, we both decided it just wasn't our thing—which made the whole situation pretty awkward.

7. Choking. I like things rough, but I also really like being able to breathe. It was consensual, but I came dangerously close to having a panic attack when I couldn't tell him to stop, and he actually thought I wanted him to squeeze *harder* when I was trying to push his hand away. He apologized profusely for misreading the situation, but it was just a mistake—and now we know that it’s not something I enjoy.

8. Back when I was a kid, I had a thought: «If I could masturbate without actually letting any sperm come out, would it feel even better?» So, I taped up my urethra with duct tape and got to work. Suffice it to say that it was extremely painful, and I’ve been left with lifelong psychological trauma. I do not recommend it.

9. I had sex on the beach once… JUST ONCE. 0/10—never again. In movies, it looks romantic and amazing, but in reality, sand gets literally everywhere.

10. Anal sex is one of my strongest fetishes.

Anal sex is my least favorite way to have sex.

The brain is just this weird, broken thing, I guess.

11. Sex in a pool or bathtub.

12. Vibrators inside you. In porn, this is vastly exaggerated. In reality, I couldn't even tell whether it was turned on or not.

13. Threesomes. For years, I talked about wanting to bring another girl into the bedroom. My husband recently got on board with the idea. We befriended a girl who is single and open to meeting new people—and now I’m terrified.

14. I thought a little light bondage would be fun, but then you miss out on the opportunity to pull hair, scratch, and experience other physical sensations while in the dominant role.

15. I really thought the «69» position would be hot, intimate, and amazing—but then I tried it with a guy I was dating, and it was terrible. It’s hard to get the positioning right, it’s hard to suck a dick while upside down, and I couldn't focus on either giving or receiving pleasure. It turns out I don't like it at all!

16. I’ve always wanted to try anal beads. I knew you were supposed to pull them out slowly, but apparently, my husband didn't quite grasp that concept. So, when he yanked them out as if he were trying to start a chainsaw, I screamed louder than I ever have before.

17. This wasn't really a sexual fantasy or a fetish for mine—it was more out of curiosity. I'm talking about sex during my period. My boyfriend asked if we could give it a try, and I said, «Hell, why not?» There wasn't a huge amount of bleeding, but there was still enough to be pretty gross. After we finished, we both realized that it just wasn't for us, and we’d never do it again.