It's a friend's birthday. He doesn't drink alcohol. I decided to congratulate him, like, here are some candies to seduce women and condoms to avoid the consequences. At the store, I put a box of candies and condoms at the checkout.

The cashier winked:

— Maybe you'd like some champagne?

I:

— No, thank you, he doesn't drink...

Cashier: 

The world needed a hero. An embassy, under siege. Hostages at risk. The pressure was on.

“We need the best,” the general barked. “Someone who can handle this.”

They looked at his file: Top scores in all combat situations. Unmatched tactical awareness. He’d broken every record. “The Shepherd,” they called him.

He was cocky, sure. Talked a big game. But the numbers didn’t lie. He’d aced every difficult task. They’d asked him, “Are you ready soldier?”

He’d smirked. “Born ready.”

The news cameras rolled as he approached the embassy. The Shepherd, our savior. He walked with confidence, a seasoned warrior.

He took a step.

A trip.

A gun shot.

He died.

They later found out, that The Shepherd spent his life in his basement mastering virtual reality games and shooting his digital gun.

©Mad

My friend had a story that was both funny and sad. He dated a girl for a whole year. He took her to trendy clubs, cozy cafes, and restaurants. He was her personal driver: he would take her and her friend wherever they asked. His entire salary went on her whims and entertainment. Sometimes he'd pay the bill for her and her friend, whom she dragged along everywhere.

A year later, he decided to take the big step. He ordered a huge bouquet of flowers for delivery and put an envelope inside. Inside were the keys to his apartment and a letter inviting her to move in with him.

In response, she simply dropped the keys back in his mailbox and turned him down, saying we were just friends. I'm not that kind of girl.

My friend fell into a deep depression.

When he told me this story, I was taken aback:

«Wait, so for a whole year you had nothing sexual? Nothing at all?» And did you really think you were in a serious relationship?

That's how it goes sometimes.

Only Russia can help. This was reported by the Banksta telegram channel.

As the resource writes, a German icebreaker sent to help a gas carrier ship stuck in the ice found itself in distress. Now he, too, needs saving.

Only a nuclear icebreaker from Russia can help him. But the possibility of providing assistance is called into question due to anti-Russian sanctions.

Awkward situation.