While the fat man is dieting, the skinny man dies of hunger.

If you live long enough, you’ll eventually get old.

Life is so short—just hang in there a little bit longer.

I’m planning to live forever; so far, so good!

Everything is going great—it's just all going right past us.

The further you climb in, the closer you are to coming out.

Better a beer belly than a hunchback from hard work.

Nothing warms the soul like a cold beer.

There are 24 hours in a day and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

Beer in the morning isn't just bad for you, it’s also good for you.

When the vodka runs out, the appetizers just become «food.»

«You have too many requests,» said the database, and it crashed.

Smile! The boss loves idiots.

The further you go into the woods, the fatter the guerrillas get.

You can tell a bird by its droppings.

To strive and to seek, to find and to hide it somewhere else.

He who comes to us with a sword will get hit right in the mouth.

The egg doesn't fall far from the chicken.

Don't cut the branch you're sitting on… yet.

A skinny cow is still not a gazelle.

Honey, if it weren’t for you, we’d be the perfect couple.

Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than hydrogen peroxide.

Happy people don't wear underwear.

A man will chase a woman until she finally catches him.

I’ll recognize my sweetheart by his pantyhose.

The treatment is hard, but it’s real easy in the coffin.

Some patients are gone; the rest we’ll finish treating.

A drop of nicotine kills a horse, but it blows a hamster to pieces.

Failure to follow safety precautions can lead to death—or to being born.

I’m not holding a grudge. I’ll just get even and then I’ll forget.

A boy explained with hand gestures that his name is Juan.

I know Karate, Taekwondo, Judo, and many other scary words.

The people are not a luxury; they are a resource for getting rich.

«Paid my taxes—now I can sleep in peace,» says the tombstone.